No Refunds

It was an unusually quiet day in the store. So quiet, I actually had time to finish the crossword in the newspaper without a single disturbance. I suppose money is tight nowadays. But even the reliable window shoppers hadn't turned up. I was considering closing up early when the bell above the door tinkled. Finally, a customer.

"Hey! I've got a bone to pick with you!"

I frowned. A customer. There goes my quiet afternoon... I turned around to see a stout man with a round, bearded face striding towards me with a sour expression. "Ah, Mr. Grant," I chimed pleasantly. "How lovely it is to see you again." The man paused mid-stride, clearly surprised that I remembered him. But it's my job to remember every single person that enters through those doors, regardless of current appearances. It still gave me a smug feeling every time, however. I asked him, "What appears to be the problem."

Grant snapped out of his stupor, and grunted. "Isn't it obvious? Look at me!" He waved his hands up and down his bulky body.

"Yes, you're a man now, just like you wanted." Grant was a young lad the previous day, just on the cusp of pubescence. Like many of the youths who enter the shop, he was desperate for a means to grow up, to become an adult. And like many of them, I had exactly the means to do so. In Grant's case, I had a box of aging cream I was just about to throw away before he turned up. I thought it was luck, although it appears things have turned sour... I switched tactics, and said with a sly wink, "And might I add, you've grown into quite the handsome gentleman."

"Shut up!" He growled, slamming a carrier bag down onto the counter with a sharp thud. So much for sweet talk. "I'm not handsome, I'm old! This isn't what I wanted at all! I want a refund."

That aging cream? Yeah, it was expired... But still usable! So I gave Grant the whole box for a hefty discount. I didn't expect him to use it all, of course. But I hoped he'd have been so enamored by the experience that he would then distribute the rest of them to his peers. Fat load of good that was...

I pursed my lips, and inhaled sharply. "Ah, I'm sorry, but I can't in good conscious offer a refund on expired goods. Maybe you could share them with your friends, I'm sure they'd love the chance to be grown-ups too."

"I'm not letting my friends see me like this! Even if they wanted to grow up, they'd take one look at me and laugh!" 

"Now now, don't be so down on yourself. I wasn't lying when I said you were handsome." He raised an eyebrow at me. "Maybe it wasn't exactly the result that you wanted, but maybe if you gave it a bit more time..."

"Stop that!" He yelled, slamming a fist into the counter. "Don't act like you're doing me a favor. This is all your fault! You said that the cream would make me grow into a hunky, muscular man. But look at this!" He pulled up his shirt to reveal his decidedly unmuscular torso blanketed with thick hairs. "That stupid cream made me so old, it gave me a gut and moobs, and all this gross hair. I wanted big, smooth muscles, like Thor!"

"Now, now. I merely said you could grow up to be a hunk. It was never a definite." I reached over to give his bloated belly a stroke, as if I was a doctor examining a patient. Grant flinched at my touch, but didn't bat my hand away. While jiggling his bloated, furry stomach, I explained, "Everyone grows up differently, and you're certainly no exception. There could be any range of reasons to explain your bearish body, from an unhealthy lifestyle to simple genetics. Besides, I prefer a man with some meat on him. The definition of a hunk is subjective." I gave him a wink, which must have been the last straw.

"You wanted this to happen to me, didn't you?" Grant snapped as he pushed me away. Oops, busted... So the creams were from my own special collection made to enhance the more bearish qualities in a man. Can you blame me? But I kept my expression blank as he huffed and yanked his shirt back down, shimmying it a few times to get it over his larger stomach. "You don't even seem surprised that I'm some middle-aged loser. I'm older than my both my parents, I'm fatter than my dad, his clothes barely fit me. I'm even losing my hair! I didn't want to grow up this much!" He crossed his arms tight, resting atop the curve of his belly, and hiccoughed, trying his best not to burst into tears.

I sighed. Watching a big lug like him acting like a stroppy child was such a mood killer... I patted him on the shoulder sympathetically, and said, "Okay. Walk me through what happened when you used the cream."

"I waited until this morning, when I would be home alone, before I opened one of the tubs. The cream itself smelled weird, kinda like my grandma's house. Then I wiped off the bit stuck to the lid, and rubbed it into my face. I waited a few minutes, but nothing happened. I remembered you said it was expiring, and I thought that maybe it wasn't as powerful as it would usually be. Which is why you gave me so many tubs, in case I used up the first one, and it only made me, like, five years older."

"Oh, honey, no," I said with a shake of my head. "Aging cream gets more potent as it's left to ferment. It's best to use it sparingly in small doses, so you don't go overboard. I told you this as I was bagging it up for you."

"You definitely did not! Otherwise I would have been more careful!" Grant snapped back. "And because that first test did nothing to me, and since those tubs are so tiny, I figured I may as well use the whole lot. It was too much to put on my face, so I took off my shirt and rubbed it all over, almost like I was putting on sun cream. I rubbed it into my chest and shoulders, my arms and stomach, until it was all gone. And this time, I felt it working."

"I see where this is going..."

"I grew, like, two feet taller in seconds, and I fell to the floor after tripping over my big feet, which ballooned out just as quick. When I looked down at myself, I could see my pants were being torn apart, my manhood now swollen to appropriately manly proportions, and surrounded by a bush of hair. Even more hairs were popping up all over my bare body. Once I managed to get to my feet, I rushed into the bathroom so I could look in the mirror, and I was dumbfounded to see that I was already an adult. I had hair on my chest, and thick stubble on my face. My jaw was squarer, and I could see my Adam's apple in my throat. But as I scratched at my stubbly neck, I could see more hairs sprouting on my shoulders, and when I spotted the first gray hair on my chin, I knew I was already far older than I wanted to be. I didn't know what to do, it wasn't like I could wipe the cream off! So I jumped into the shower, and covered myself in soap in the hopes I could wash any leftover cream off before it was too late."

 "Yeah, that wouldn't help," I chimed in. "It's a fast absorbing formula. The second it's spread onto your skin, it's sinks in and does its magic, all without leaving a greasy residue!"

"No kidding," he grumbled through clenched teeth. "That would explain why no matter how hard I scrubbed, I wouldn't stop growing. I could feel myself getting older with every passing minute, as small aches, and pains made themselves more known. Even more hairs were sprouting across my body while the hair on my head was falling out, and my little stomach kept getting bigger, and bigger with every breath I took, my chest growing softer and meatier until it rested atop my belly. Eventually, the feeling subsided, and I stopped trying to scrub off the cream. My skin was red raw by this point. I stayed in the shower for a little while after that."

"Exploring your new body, right?" I nudged him with a wink. "Making use of that new appropriately manly appendage of yours?"

"It was more an existential episode of grief and horror as the full realisation of what I'd done gripped me, but sure. I just had to jack off in the moment, thrilled by my sudden masculinity." I could practically swim in the sarcasm that oozed from him. "You know, I can't even see my dick without looking over my belly, right? No, I had to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror once I left the now cold shower to actually see it once again, buried underneath the mountain of fat that is my middle aged body. Hairy, flabby, balding, stupid, ugly-"

"Hey now!" I gave Grant a slap on the cheek, softened by his dense beard. "Don't beat yourself up about this. You're a perfectly handsome looking man. There are a lot of guys out there who would kill to look as manly as you."

"Yeah, well maybe you should've given this cream to them then, huh." He straightened up, giving me a sharp glare. "I only wanted to look like I was in college, but instead I'm a washed up guy on the verge of a midlife crisis. And since it's your fault for deceiving me, I think you should fix it. My mom was already worried about how rough I sounded on the phone when she checked in on me. If she finds out that I'm an adult, that I'm older than her..."

"What did you think would happen if things went the way you wanted?" I asked. "Would your mom be happier knowing you weren't a forty-something bear but merely a college-aged lad?" Grant squirmed, he clearly hadn't thought about it. I chuckled sharply. "Never mind, magic like this has a way of fixing whatever problems that may arise itself. I wouldn't be surprised if you were already your mom's older brother, with a one-bedroom apartment downtown, a stable office job, maybe a partner if you're lucky."

With that, Grant reached into his pockets in a frenzy, and gulped as he pulled out a a hefty chain of keys, along with a battered wallet. He muttered under his breath as he opened it up, only to yelp suddenly. "This has gone too far!" He growled, shoving his driver's license in my face. It looked like it had recently been renewed, with the same bushy, ginger beard, and a similarly receded hairline. He buried his face in his hands, and moaned "I don't want to be this guy! Isn't there anything else you can do!?"

"Well, there's always something else I could do."

"Really? You can make me young again?" He perked up at the thought.

"You're not listening, I said I could do something. But I don't want to. I prefer you like this, and I'm sure if you gave it a chance, you would grow to like it too. But there is something else..." Before he could object, I grabbed Grant by his shirt, and pulled him in close and locked lips. He resisted at first, but quickly fell into the kiss. When we broke, he was in a stupor, completely hypnotized. I shook my head, and sighed. "This always happens. They just don't appreciate being a man the way they should..."

I circled around him, then reached up to his head, and rubbed my fingers deep into his thinning scalp. A few hairs broke free, and drifted lazily to the floor. I leaned in close, and whispered in his ear. "You're going to stop being so negative about your change. You love the man that you are now. In fact, you want to spread the love, and give the other creams to your friends so they can experience the thrills of being a middle aged bear as well." I give him a small kiss on his bald spot, then spun him around and gave him another smooch on the lips.

Grant broke free of his stupor, and shook his head clear. "Woah," he mumbled under his breath, rubbing his beard as if for the first time.

"So, you feel any better?"

"Yeah... Yeah! I feel amazing! I don't know what's in that kiss of yours, but I feel a whole new man!" He patted his stomach with a hefty laugh that bounced around the room.

"Wonderful!" I picked up the bag he left on the counter, and shoved it into his grasp. "So you'll find a way to get rid of these for me?"

"These?" Grant peeked inside the bag, and nodded. "Sure, I can pass them out. I know a few kids 'round the neighborhood. It shouldn't be difficult convincing them, not when I look as manly as this!" He smiled wide, and gave me another kiss on the cheek. "I can't wait to just share the love, you know? Everyone should get to know what it's like to be beautiful bears like us, right babe?"

"Right!" I said with a mischevious grin. I can't say when I suggested he may have a partner, that it would be me. But I can roll with it! He is a handsome devil, after all. I blew him a kiss, and waved my hand as he stepped out of the shop with a new spring in his step. It always feels good to help someone reach their full potential!