New Year, Same Me?

PART ONE

A warm sunbeam peeped through the partially closed curtains, causing Derryl to wake up and rub the sleep from his eyes. He sat up and looked around. He wasn't in his bedroom, it was the almost unfamiliar guest room of an increasingly familiar man who'd invited his family to spend New Years with him... He smiled slightly. Finally, it was New Year's Day. Which could only mean...

He jumped out of bed and ran towards an antique mirror in the corner of the room, only to halt mid-step with a confused "Wah...?" He stood face to face with a young teenager with floppy hair and acne-ridden skin. The same young teenager he'd been seeing for the last year in every single reflective surface. "But, but... We were supposed to... It was meant to... It's the new year!" He blustered before stomping his foot with a frustrated growl.

Derryl sulked out of his room and through the warm cabin. There he saw a young man in the open kitchen cooking some scrambled eggs, coffee in hand. He was needlessly shirtless, as if he were showing off his toned muscles. "Hey there, sport," he grinned as he set the eggs aside. "Happy New Year! We missed you at midnight. You just couldn't stay up an extra hour, could you?"

"Don't you 'Happy New Year' me, Asher!" Deryll replied in disgust. "Why haven't we swapped back? It's a new year! Those old resolutions should be null and void, and I should be your father again!"

"Well if you'd stayed up last night, you'd know I had this exact conversation with-"

"I don't care about your boyfriend! I only care about reclaiming what was once mine!"

"Okay, cool your temper and let me plate up some breakfast. Then we can discuss things a little further. We're mere hours into the new year, don't spoil it with those rancid vibes."

Deryll scraped a chair out from under the table and slumped into it with a scowl. "Stupid site, stupid magic, stupid life..." he grumbled under his breath as Asher prepared some bacon and eggs for him. "I spent weeks trying to get a response from that hackneyed group that wasn't just automated bullshit."

"Language..."

"Then when I finally got through to an actual person, they couldn't do anything but tell me to wait! All I've done for the past year is wait. Wait wait wait!"

"Well maybe if you worked on the entire reason we swapped... You know, our resolutions? Then maybe you'd feel more fulfilled with the way things have turned out."

Resolution Change Initiative

Asher kicked his legs impatiently as he stared at his book. This was the fourth time he'd read the same sentence over, not even taking it in. This was so boring, how much more did he even have to read? He flipped to the end of the book. 217 pages. He flipped back to where he was. Page 14. He groaned and tossed the book aside. He could finish it later. And if not, there was always the film adaptation. Or he could even ask ChatGPT for a concise summary. Instead, he turned on his computer, opening Steam in the process.

"That doesn't sound like reading to me." As if by magic, his dad entered the room clutching a bundle of dirty laundry. "Come on, you said you were going to get a kickstart on your homework without leaving it to the last minute as usual."

"No, you said that," Asher grumbled. "And I basically read a whole chapter. They're not expecting us to do it all at once."

"What about your new year resolution? Abandoning your work for tomfoolery isn't exactly responsible."

Asher rolled his eyes. Big words coming from a man who's been divorced twice... But he wasn't wrong. There was a new year's resolution website that was trending in the weeks leading up to the new year, New You Resolution, and he wanted to join in. But he didn't want to do the usual lose weight, learn a language, daily assertions crap that all the adults did. In fact, he didn't want to commit to anything, he just wanted the clout from participating. So he chose a very simple goal - to be more responsible. It was an empty gesture, really. Something that sounded meaningful while also being easy to fulfil. He led such a slothful life that by cleaning his room every other week or washing the dishes every now and then, he'd already be on the road to success. If only he hadn't told his dad about the site...

"The year's barely started," Asher whined. "Cut me some slack! Or should I chastise you for not constantly following your resolution. What was it again, to be more chill and laid-back?"

"It was to relax. Stop and smell the roses, thank you very much. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a load of your dirty washing to put in the machine." He turned on his heel and left, muttering to himself.

No More!

PART ONE

It was the sunniest day of the summer. Folks were out and about enjoying the beaches and parks while they still could, because fall was just around the corner. School was due to start in a couple weeks, and kids of all ages wanted to squeeze every last piece of enjoyment out of it. Nobody wanted to sit inside playing video games at a time like this!

Well, nobody except for Phillip and Lee. Even now, they were cooped up in the play room, air conditioning blasting on max, music blaring from the speakers as they threw insults and banana peels at each other in a relatively friendly round of Mario Kart, the electricity bill creeping ever higher.

Well, I was having none of that. It may be just another day of summer vacation, a summer that was rapidly drawing to a close, but they shouldn't be wasting it on a stale racing game. Not on my watch.

I'd just stepped back into the house after a pleasant snooze in the warm sun, when I came across the sad mess. I walked into the play room, causing Phillip to scramble for the pause button, and I stepped dead center in front of the TV, resting against the shelving beneath it. "I don't get you boys," I said cheerfully. "It's a beautiful day outside, and you're cooped up inside playing your video games. You don't have long until you have to go back to school. You should be making the most of it!"

I wasn't expecting an outburst of eager cries declaring me the wisest person alive or anything, but I at least expected an answer. I'm afraid my words of encouragement fell on deaf ears. Phillip gaped at me, while Lee did his best not to look in my direction. Although I could tell he was covertly peeking at me through his fingers. Finally, Phillip groaned. "Oh my god, dad! Put some clothes on!"

I chuckled and scratched at the hairs across my pecs. I was only wearing a pair of gym shorts after all. "I've been outside, enjoying that glorious sun I just told you about. You've heard of the sun, right? Big ball of fire that provides warmth and life to the planet? When was the last time you saw that, huh?"

Daaaaaad!" Phillip moaned, which only made me grin harder. I did enjoy making him suffer from embarrassment from time to time. It made up for all the times he embarrassed me in similar situations. Lord knew the amount of times he'd walk around the house in his underwear when I had company round. "Just get out of the way, I'm so close to winning!"

"Not if my blue shell has anything to say about it," Lee chuckled, still trying to avoid looking in my general direction.

I stood up, stretching out my limbs with an exaggerated sigh. "Well, why don't I join you boys? I could play as the little dinosaur guy. What's he called again, Yogi?"

"Daaaad!" Phillip almost screamed. He knew I was joshing, and I knew that only made him more annoyed. I tried not to let myself grin too wide. Revenge is sweet after all. Phillip dropped his controller, stood up, and grabbed me by the arm, dragging me out of the room. "Why are you doing this? You know I had Lee over, there's no reason to parade your body and act out like this!".

"Hey, I'm just following your lead. At least I have shorts on. Remember the time Benny was here and you accidentally mooned him?"

"I'd rather forget... And that's different, I didn't know any better. You should know that no kid wants to see their friend's dad half naked" Phillip pinched the bridge of his nose, and grunted. "Look, we want to finish the tournament before Lee's mom picks him up. At least put some damn clothes on for her sake!"

Hidden Cove, Hidden Intentions

"I don't think we're allowed out here," Oscar grumbled as he tip-toed through the overgrown path. "Did you see those signs? It looked like a bunch of warnings..."

"Ah, you worry too much, bud!" Ron grinned. "I did some research before the trip, and this place cropped up! It's off-the-radar, untouched by the masses." As they stumbled down the rocky path, they stepped into the secluded cove of Tānetanga and they both gaped. "See? Paradise! And look, there are other people here. So much for warnings."

Oscar looked at the other people, subconsciously noting a heavy presence of men. It was a pretty looking beach, but he would still rather be at the large beach where everyone else was, where the ice cream truck was, and that super-cool inflatable slide floating just off shore. But he rarely got to spend time with his dad. He was surprised his mom even let them go on vacation, just the two of them. She always complained about him. How he's always late on child support, he only shows up when he needs something, that he's a charlatan, whatever that was. So to allowed them to go all the way to New Zealand must mean that she trusts him for once.

As he walked down toward the beach, Oscar felt a tingle in his feet. The familiar warmth of the sun-baked sand spread across his soles. Except he was wearing flip-flops and standing in the shade. When he did step out into the sun, the intensity increased until it spread throughout his body. He'd never felt such a curious warmth. It was like he was wrapped in a particularly uncomfortable sweater. 

Ron shook out his fold-up chair and draped it with a beach towel, before collapsing into the seat with a sigh. While Oscar had only brought a towel with him, which he carefully spread out on the sand. He could still feel that warmth. Even stripped down to his swimming trunks, it left him feeling sticky.

"Dad, I feel weird..."

"It's all that sugar you had before we left."

"No, it's something else... I don't like it here, can we go?"

"What? We just got here! At least give it a chance!" Ron looked up and pointed to the ocean. "Hey, there's another kid here. Why don't you go play with him?"

"Him?" Oscar asked, squinting at the figure. "He has to be, like, five years older than me. He won't want anything to do with me."

"You won't know until you go and ask, champ. Now go! Have fun!"

Ron gave him a little shove, and shooed him away. Oscar stomp-kicked his way through the sand with a scowl. His dad never listened to him. He was too busy with his weird conspiracy podcasts and get rich quick schemes that never seemed to work. Not that it stopped him from being drawn to every MLM or snake oil salesman imaginable. But he couldn't let that bother him now. Knowing his dad, he'd probably get bored after ten minutes and they'll stroll back to the hotel.

Spectacular Hair Growing Miracle

James was a little worried about his son. He'd received a package in the mail, whereupon he immediately ran upstairs with it and to the bathroom. At his age, it was probably best not to ask any questions or interrupt under most circumstances. Boys will be boys, after all. But then he could hear him cussing out loud, even from downstairs. It sounded like whatever he'd bought, it wasn't going the way he wanted. It was probably another of those cheap doohickeys from that dumb online shopping app everyone seemed to be into these days. He didn't care for it, of course. A lot of the cheap tat on there was either faulty or fake. It's too good to be true, he always said, because there was always a reason for the price.

As James walked upstairs, he noticed that the bathroom door wasn't properly closed, there was a slither of a gap. Outside the bathroom, he could hear the shower running, his son groaning and cursing under his breath. He always tried to give his son some privacy, but he also had to make sure he wasn't in any trouble. So James rapped on the bathroom door. "You okay in there, Duncan?" he asked.

He heard him grunt in surprise, followed by the sound of scrambling hands and bottles. Eventually, Duncan yelled back, "everything's peachy! Don't come in!" Yet his voice sounded scratchy, gravelly even. As if he'd caught a cold. The shower turned off, and there was more of that whispered cussing that sounded unusually deep as it echoed around the bathroom walls. 

"I wasn't going to!" James replied. "But if there's something you want to talk about, you know I'm here." Even if it was embarrassing, he couldn't leave him injured or in pain.

There was a few seconds pause before Duncan finally replied, "Fine... Just don't look until I tell you to." James pushed the door open slowly, his hand covering his eyes, and stepped inside. He could see Duncan's feet as he stood in the shower entrance. But they looked bigger, swollen even. They led up to a pair of hair-covered legs that he couldn't remember his son ever having. A towel hung loose against his knees, flapping as it unfurled and assumedly wrapped around his waist. Duncan let out a heavy sigh. "Okay," he grunted. "You can look, but don't be mad..."

James uncovered his eyes, and jolted back in surprise, slamming his back into the now shut door. Instead of the husky, young teen he was expecting to see, he was faced with a burly, hirsute, middle-aged man.  There was a guilty look on his rounded face. Yet despite the salt and pepper beard, and the weathered skin, and the completely bald scalp, he could make out a strong familial resemblance. As if this man could have been his uncle. And yet, his gut told him otherwise.

 

 

"Okay, I know this looks bad," the man grumbled as he sheepishly rubbed his scalp. Which had to be the biggest understatement. It looked like his son had been replaced by a man far older, far hairier, and far huskier than even himself. The man could sense James' apprehension, and added, "Let me explain everything!"

Morning Pranks

It was the morning following a very successful sleepover for Jackson and Bart. They'd stayed up watching scary movies with lots of snacks, and very little adult supervision. For the most part, his embarrassing dad had kept to himself for the evening. And now, the following morning, the two boys were battling each other in the newest Boulevard Brawler game. Things were going well until Bart finally piped up.

"Your dad's acting weird today."

His dad was always weird, Jackson thought to himself. But it was true, he'd been even weirder this morning. It all started when Bart woke him up from a blissful sleep, having crept out of the room to use the bathroom, only to find it occupied. Inside, his dad was in his undies, staring at himself in the mirror and flexing at himself. He even grabbed his phone so he could take some selfies, until he finally noticed the two boys giggling uncontrollably in the doorway. 

That wasn't too weird, his dad was pretty egotistical about his huge size, and masculine appearance. He worked out most days, when he wasn't on the construction site putting those muscles to good use. He even had beard paraphernalia around the house because he was obsessed with his bushy facial fur. But Jackson had never actually seen him acting so narcissistic. Maybe this is what he was like behind closed doors. And that was just the start of it.

Rough Day

Matt had been having a rough day. He forgot his homework was due, getting him detention for the week. Then he lost his lunch money to a faulty vending machine. And to top it off, he tripped on his own shoelaces during gym, face-planting in a pile of mud. He had never felt so humiliated, he was already preparing to have a fake sick day to avoid going back the next day. 

So when he returned home after detention to discover his dad was already home, he was a little suspicious. His dad never left work early. He was in the kitchen, waiting beside two empty mugs. "You okay, little man?" he asked just as the kettle reached a boil.

"I guess," Matt mumbled as he dumped his backpack and jacket on the floor. "I just had a bad day at school..." 

His dad sighed, and grumbled. "I know the feeling..." He turned around and picked up a mug billowing with hot steam, and passed it to his son. "Maybe a good cup of tea will make you feel better."

Matt grabbed the mug and gave it a sniff. It smelt sweet and fruity, with a little hint of something smoky. He wasn't much of a tea drinker, or any hot beverage really. But after the day he had had, it was nice to have a little treatment.

Neighborhood Creator

A few months ago, my dad found some old PC game from the 90s while we were at a flea market. Something called Neighborhood Creator. I didn't think you could run things that old on new computers, but he managed to get it set up without any trouble. It was a life simulation game, which I think is a boring game genre, so I never wanted to play it myself. Yet, Dad was hooked on the thing. In a matter of days, he'd created a whole town, and treated it like a real place. If the graphics weren't so dated, I swear it could've been our actual town. It was a little creepy. 

Weeks passed, and he spent all his free time watching over his virtual town like a god. He already had a job playing and reviewing video games, so it seemed like overkill. My mom and I would try and get him to leave the house, but he wouldn't listen. He became a shut-in. Eventually, my mom left him for another woman, and he barely seemed to notice, acting like it was his own decision. Then I was offered a place at a prestigious private school, and I knew I had to take it. I didn't want to leave my dad alone, his obsession with the game was unhealthy, but I also didn't want to be around him any longer.

Mixed-up Reservation

"Hi, we're here to check in? Should be under Arden."

The woman at the guest check-in tapped the name into her system, and asked "Aha, Jack Arden?"

"Huh? No, it should be Michael... Jacky's my son," Michael said, pointing to the bright-eyed boy next to him, who gave a little wave. 

"Really? That's peculiar..." She tapped a few more times. "We do have a Michael Arden signed up to our kid's activity club."

"It looks like your computer's made a mistake," Michael said with a huff. "It must've got confused when I pre-booked the kid's stuff for my son. Isn't there a way to fix it?"

"Of course, sir. Let me just get your room sorted, and we'll get things switched around for you, post-haste."

After getting their room number and door keys, the two dumped their suitcases on their respective beds, and, while Michael started to put his clothes away, Jack jumped into the bathroom to put on his swimsuit. Moments later, Michael heard his son yell out, "Dad, my trunks are too small!"

"What?" He turned to see Jack wearing a bright red pair of trunks, which looked significantly outsized for him. Michael gaped and exclaimed, "we only bought them last week! They were baggy as anything."

"Yeah, but now they're really tight! I don't wanna go swimming in my underwear!"

"You won't have to, bud." Michael frowned as he dug into his suitcase. His son did look larger than usual, as if he'd had a growth spurt in the past fifteen minutes. But that wasn't possible He tossed him a pair of his own. "These'll be real big on you, so tie them up super tight!"

"Okay, thanks!" Jack ran back to the bathroom to get ready. Michael chuckled to himself, if only he had that type of energy. All he planned on doing this vacation was relaxing. As he himself got ready to leave, he gazed at himself in the mirror. He couldn't place it, but he was looking refreshed as ever. His skin looked radiant, he even looked slimmer, his perpetual love handles almost missing. The first day of vacation, and he already looked well rested. That must be a new record!

Long-Distance Spell

I was busy working on a report for work when my quiet time was rudely interrupted by my son yelling down the hallway. Without warning, Chris burst into my study and yelled, "He's gonna do it!"

I sighed. "Who's going to do what?"

"Grandpa!" He was brimming with excitement. "He's going to do the spell!"

"Aha..." I mumbled as I turned back to my screen, trying to recall what I was writing. That old coot was always bragging about his supposed magical abilities with nothing to show for it. 

"Don't you remember? I told him how you always tell me to grow up and stop acting like a baby, and he got all annoyed?"

"Oh, I remember," I replied with a sour expression. "But your grandpa isn't a wizard, no matter how much he believes it. You really must grow out of these fantasies..."

"Yeah, like that! He said he knew a spell to help me, and that he'd also help you reconnect with your childhood since you're a pain in the butt that needs to learn manners."

"Charming..." That man has had it out for me ever since I had that little affair and broke it off with my, um, lovely ex-wife. Honestly, I'd love to cut that whole, weird family out of my life, but Chris was too close to them, he wouldn't understand... I tried to shoo him away, until my computer screen started to flicker.

The air felt like static. I turned to look at Chris, who had a grin on his face. "I think it's starting! I'm gonna go watch!" He ran out of the room. I felt uneasy. Why did the room feel so peculiar? There was no chance the spell was real, right?

Again!?

I did not expect to have as long a break as I did, but I'm back! I thought I'd start off by revisiting an old favourite. You might recognise this as a caption I wrote a few years back. I thought I'd look back through my old stuff and take a shot at expanding on them. Are there anything you've read and wished it was a bit longer? Let me know and maybe I'll give it a go!

-----------------------------------------

I arrived home from a long day at school brimming with anticipation. The weekend was finally here! I had no homework to complete, and no plans. It was just me and my PS4 all weekend long. I kicked my shoes off and dumped my bag on the staircase, only to pause in suspicion. The house seemed quiet. A bit too quiet... I gripped the banister and yelled upstairs. "Hey dad! You home?"

There was a pause before I heard a response. I couldn't make out what he said, it sounded like he was busy with something. He'd promised not to get up to his usual antics this weekend so hopefully he'd gotten a head start on cleaning the house. I fist pumped and darted into the living room, jumping over the side of the sofa to land on the soft cushions below. I grabbed the TV remote, started up the PS4 and got comfy. I'd had a busy week, and I was ready to play some games. I stretched my thumbs across the controller with a goofy grin, I really missed this. I barely had the time to do anything for myself recently. I was more than ready for some me time. I scrolled through my games library, a small twinge of guilt at how many I had yet to play. A few minutes of debilitating later, I finally decided on an old favourite. 

Yet before I could start it up, my stomach growled and I felt a sharp tingle run down my spine. It was a peculiar, unpleasant feeling that I had become familiar with, much to my disappointment. It's been almost a year since the first time and it still felt weird. I cursed out loud and jumped to my feet, tossing the controller aside. Why now of all times, he'd promised me a break this weekend! Already, I felt that uncomfortable, inflating sensation. Like someone was pumping me with gas. I yanked my shirt off in one swift movement, noticing how my chest seemed to swell with every breath I took. A couple of little hairs had sprung up around my nipples and the centre of my chest. 

Next, I unbuckled my belt and shimmied my jeans down my thicker, hairier thighs. I struggled a moment to get my feet through the leg holes, eventually losing my balance and falling back onto the sofa. I sighed in frustration, I've been through this ordeal a hundred times, at least, yet I still struggled with it. It would help if my dad didn't spring it on me without prior warning. I yanked my underwear off, freeing my junk from their tight, cotton confines. I scratched at my chin as sharp stubble broke through the skin in irritating waves. 

No longer at risk of destroying my clothes, I laid back on the sofa and waited for the changes to finish, mentally cursing my dad for using that remote again. By now, I looked like a college graduate with a slim yet firm body, and a decent spread of hair across my chest. Although I never stayed that way for long, as I raced through my twenties without much fanfare. As I continued to age, I could feel my muscles ache as they bulked up, which was always a welcome feeling. I grinned as my biceps inflated, and my thighs got meatier.

As I approached my forties, my scalp felt itchy as each individual hair faded in colour, focused mostly on the sides but a wave of steel grey eventually swept throughout. My skin grew weathered and rough as a subtle thickness blanketed my buff muscles. I flinched slightly as a tattoo inked itself into existence on my shoulder, which signalled the end of my growth spurt. I leaned back against the sofa with a sigh. Aging three decades in a few minutes certainly takes a lot out of you. I may have gone through the process dozens of times by now but it never got any easier.

Family Discounts

While I do enjoy being the apprentice to an all powerful sorcerer and working in his Magic Curiosities Emporium, there are a few problems. For one, I'm in a constant state of work and education. If I'm not manning the store and helping customers, I'm being taught the how-tos and what-nots of the magical trade. Every moment is an opportunity to learn according to my master. It can also be a lonely life as everyone I used to know in my previous life has forgotten of my existence, and constantly being under the watchful eye of my master made it difficult to meet other people. 

Then there's that code of impartiality I'm magically bound to. It's mainly because some real shady shit happens within the confines of this shop, and it's bad business to interfere no matter how immoral or unethical it may be. I can offer advice or even warn of potential doom, but that's as far as I can go. If someone wants a potion that Medusas their neighbour, or enchanted gloves that Elsas the town then that's their prerogative, we need to earn money somehow. And when those problems collide? Ho boy. There are times I've struggled to keep impartial when folks from my former life enter the store. Much like how one of my former cousins lives in the plaza pond waiting for a fairy-tale obsessed woman to attempt kissing him. I did warn him beforehand but a purchase is a purchase. He was a bit of a misogynistic jerk, so I can't feel too bad about his froggening... 

So today, I was in for a shock. A short, stocky man entered the store with his teenaged son in tow. I almost ignored them until I heard the kid whine about missing the sales at Game Hut. I froze in place and stuck my head around the corner. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was Wilbur! In my former life, he was one of my closest friends. We would hang out all the time watching movies, playing video games, pulling pranks. Now I was closer to his dad's age which made those heydays feel a little weird. It had been over two years since I last saw my pal, and he looked almost exactly the same. He still even had that dorky fringe cut. Meanwhile, I was a good 30 years older and more than a hundred pounds heavier...

I had to physically restrain myself from greeting Wilbur with a hug, and tucked myself away in the hopes I wouldn't be spotted. It wasn't like either of them would recognise me. Even without the age-up, my master had performed an intricate reality shift to remove any traces of my former existence from the world. But I still knew them, and it's always so awkward having to pretend that I don't.

Eventually, Wilbur's dad spotted me as he marched away from the clearance rack and towards the shop counter. He had a determined look on his face which worried me. What exactly had they come searching for? With the sales going on, there was a lot that could go awry. I couldn't go against my impartiality vow but this was The Wilburnator! My dearest friend! I had to tread carefully, and maybe throw them on a different path that could benefit them in other ways...

Replacement Dad

The air was brimming with tension. Adam glanced nervously at the man sat in the armchair, a freshly brewed cup of coffee in his hands. He was a lean, scruffy man in his late forties wearing a plaid dressing gown that he'd retrieved for him after their unfortunate first meeting. They hadn't spoke for several minutes now. Adam was starting to sweat from anxiety, waiting for the stoic man to yell at him in anger. He took a long sip of coffee, then finally he looked Adam in the eye. Instead of anger, he spoke calmly with a bit of grit in his voice. "So tell me again what happened exactly."

Adam took a deep breath, and replied "I made a wish last night, and then it came true."

"And that wish was...?"

"For my best friend to be my real dad..."

"And that's why I'm now a 48 year old, widowed father of one? A botched wish?"

Adam was on the verge of tears. He said "I only meant it jokingly because you're so kind to me, and my real dad is so evil... I didn't know it would actually come true! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!"

Luck of the Irish

Aiden cursed as he dug deep into his wardrobe to find something to wear. Why did he not own anything green? Every year he has this problem, and every year he forgets to solve it! He blasted through his clothes looking for something, anything, that had even the faintest hint of green on it. But there was nothing, not even a lousy sock. He slapped a hand to his face in frustration, he was going to get harassed by everyone in his class. Unless...

Date Night

Deck The Halls

Vignettes: Halloween Costumes

Miles entered Costume Plaza with awe. He'd never seen so many costumes in his life! He didn't know where to begin looking. He was eventually drawn to a rack near the entrance labelled "LAST MINUTE COSTUMES!". He swept through the rack, until he discovered a bag filled with army wear, labelled "Demolition Hawk". The name sounded somewhat familiar to him. Curious,  he brought the bag into the changing room to jog his memory. He pulled on a long pair of camouflage pants, slipped on the large, heavy boots, and stuck the helmet on his head. However, it seemed like an incomplete costume. Where was the shirt?

His question was answered when he felt a sudden pressure inside his body. He felt himself lurch up to the ceiling, almost doubling in height. Then his body burst outwards with pounds of muscle. His chest comically inflated like balloons into perfect slabs of luscious meat, while his stomach pulsated until a beautiful pair of abs emerged from within. His arms and legs swelled up in quick succession, growing to almost unrealistic proportions. Dark tattoos pierced through his skin, elaborately decorating his right arm and torso. His jawline reshaped itself into a squared off visage, finished off with a perfectly manicured beard.

Astonished, Miles ran a hand across his meaty body, feeling his plump pecs. He traced a finger across the tattoos that adorned his bicep, involuntarily flexing his arm in the process. He looked familiar somehow. He stroked his chin partially in thought, and partially to scratch his facial hair. Suddenly, he remembered. Demolition Hawk! From that gritty 90s army cartoon! He used to watch it with his dad all the time before he started school. He had always admired Demo, always wanted to be like him when he grew up. "Guess I got my wish" he said in a low, rumbling voice, flexing his arm with a grin. Hopefully the Halloween event didn't have too strict of a dress code.

Perfect Gift

Again?

Sun Lotion