Hal-Lolly-Ween

"Wait, where are you going? the good houses are this way."

"Didn't you hear? There's a rumor that Mr. Cravitz is actually doing Halloween this year!"

"Old Man Cravitz? The guy who tries to get the city to ban trick or treating every single year? Yeah, no. That's a hard pass..."

"Come on, I heard he's giving out something real special."

"Are we talking about the same man here? Everyone knows to never disturb him on Halloween, lest you face the wrath of Old Man Cravitz!"

"Maybe he's had a change of heart, like a Halloween Scrooge."

"Oh yeah, Jack Skellington showed him the errors of his ways and he totally gets the true meaning of Halloween... Whatever he's handing out, it's probably poisoned."

"Fine, I'll go get my awesome, speciality treat alone if you're going to be a chicken about it!"

I left Jack behind and strolled down the short side-street that dead-ends at Mr. Cravitz's house. Another kid passed me in the opposite direction. I vaguely recognize him from the year above me in school, Frankie or something? He had a glum look on his face, probably disappointed by the lack of Halloween festivity in the air. None of the houses had their lights on, a bowl of candy on the porch, or even a pumpkin. What a load of killjoys. Despite the lack of decoration, this street always gives me the creeps. And Mr. Cravitz's house is the creepiest of all. It's a shame the guy's such a buzzkill, this would make an awesome haunted house. At least he's warming up to the holiday, if the rumors are true. Though looking around, there aren't many takers. Just a couple of grouchy, middle aged guys giving me an icy glare, I could just feel their loathing of Halloween. Probably friends of Old Man Cravitz...

I climbed onto the porch, knocked on the door and after a minute, Mr. Cravitz answered it. "Trick or Treat!" I yelled with enthusiasm.

Mr. Cravitz rolled his eyes, he was not pleased to see me. "Oh, another one," he muttered in an annoyed tone. "Sigh, what an acceptable looking, uhm, what are you, an owl?"

"I'm Batman... You know, the superhero?" I reply. No surprises that he didn't know that...

"Right..." he muttered, clearly wishing I'd leave. He reached into a cardboard box behind him and handed me a funky looking lollipop, the tip of the stick colored in gray like a lit cigarette. "There, I got these special just for tonight, it'll do you some good unlike the rest of that crap people shovel out."

I took the lolly and mumbled "Thank you sir..." This was what the fuss was about? Some lollipop? Maybe Jack was right about leaving this place alone.

I thought I saw a hint of a smile from Cravitz before his face twisted into a snarl. "Alright, you got your thing. Now clear off, you're scaring off my poker buddies." He slammed the door right in my face.

Dejected, I stuck the lollipop in my mouth and made my way back to the main road. Well, that was a waste of my trick-or-treating time. It didn't even taste good, a bit like a burned out candle. Yet it was oddly addictive... I'll just tell Jack it was something good so he'll regret not joining me. Where is that kid anyway. I can't even remember what costume he was wearing. Not that I'd be able to tell him apart from all the other children in their stupid outfits, going door to door and begging for candy... Woah! Where did that thought come from? I mean, it's true, but woah... I step on my tiptoes and strain my neck to see over everyone. I sighed loudly, wishing I'd told him a meeting spot if we separated. He probably scampered off to Belvedon Street where the rich families live, trying to score some full sized candy bars. Well he'll find me eventually, I'm not difficult to find. I practically tower over all the other brats on this street... Kids! Not brats, kids. God, what is happening to my brain tonight?

While I wait for Jack to return, it couldn't hurt to knock on a few houses for candy by myself. Yet going to Cravitz's house has kind of soured the experience. That, and this weird lolly... Why do we knock on strangers' doors for candy anyway? They tell us not to take candy from strangers all the time, then base an entire holiday around doing just that, it's madness! Well I already got a few treats tonight, I don't really need any more... Wait, my bag... Dang it, I must have dropped it on the way back! Aw man... Then again, it's not the end of the world. All that sugar is no good for you. It's all far too sweet for my tastes anyway. And it not like I need the extra calories. I rub my small belly self-consciously, maybe I should have worn a costume that didn't cling to my out-of-shape physique. When did I get so out-of-shape... Plus, all that sugar just rots your teeth in the end. I rub my jaw in discomfort at the thought of cavities, only to feel an odd presence of bristles. Almost like I had a beard, but that's ridiculous, I'm not even old enough to shave! As if I had the time to shave every day, what with all the work I have to do. School work, I mean.

Man, my mind feels all fuzzy, it's all over the place tonight... And why am I itchy all of a sudden? Uhhh, it's like someone's scrubbing me with a toothbrush! It has to be this stupid, cheap costume, rubbing all my hairs the wrong way! Which doesn't... Make sense, I've only got the hair on my head. Yet a quick shove of the hand down my collar confirms a healthy abundance of chest hair! And boy is it itchy! It has to be the costume, it's not usually so irritating. At least I can keep my beard conditioned with oil to stop the itching. But that's what happens when you're as hairy as I am. If only I could say the same about my head. The cool breeze across my naked scalp reaffirms my woe. I should have worn a hat...

I feel another chill down my spine, it's getting pretty cold now. Where was that boy... Why did I decide on this costume anyway? It's basically skin-tight and... Wait, I could have sworn I was wearing a Batman costume. Where did this shirt and tie come from...? Wasn't this a cape instead of a suit jacket? No, that's ridiculous. I've just come from work, of course I'm in a suit. Why would I dress as some dumb comic character anyway? That's kid's stuff. You wouldn't even catch me in a T-shirt, it's uncivilized for someone my age... My age? That's a weird thing to think, I'm not even that old yet... Hah! Who am I kidding, I'm well into my forties, both of my kids are in college, I'm officially old! Wait, I have kids? When did...that happen... About 20 years ago, of course. I'm glad they never got into this dreadful trick or treating when they were younger. I don't know how anyone around here stands it... I'm only in this neck of the woods to meet an old friend.

God I need some relief. Something to clear the mind, to really focus my current scatterbrain. By now, I've sucked my lollipop down to its end. I take the stick out of my mouth and squint at it under the light. A brown stain is all that remains of the candy on one end, yet the other end appeared to emit a light smoke. I lightly tap the top of it, and a small piece of ash breaks off the end. I shrug and put it back between my lips, enjoying the rich flavor of tobacco. May as well enjoy a smoke, lord knows I need one. I exhale a brisk breath of ashy smoke and finally feel content. All those nagging thoughts feel like they've drifted away with the smoke.

Eventually, I notice another smartly dressed man puffing away at a cigarette, scowling at the flow of brats around the cul-de-sac. Finally, there's Frank! I don't know how I didn't notice him until now, he's the only other adult on this block that isn't in some ridiculous outfit. Hard to believe I'm a year younger than him, what with his manicured stubble, and full head of luxurious, salt and pepper hair. Not to mention his slim, toned body. I bet he spends more time at the gym than he does in the office. He's a total silver fox, and always a hit with the ladies. Some guys get all the luck. Sigh... But you know what they say about jealousy... I stroll over to the man and we give each other a slight nod, a wordless greeting.

As we puff on our cigarettes and sneer at the costumed kids. Frank says with slight disdain "I don't know how we, as a society, pretend to put up with these brats swarming the neighbourhood every year."

I nod solemnly. "We're only teaching them it's OK to be filthy beggars later on in life. Just leeching off us upstanding citizens."

Frank mumbled in agreement, and flicked his cigarette stub to the ground "We'd best get going. You know how Stanley gets when we're late for poker."

I chuckle "Trust him to hold it tonight of all nights. At least we can trust ol' Cravitz not to get into this Halloween nonsense!" I took one last drag of my cigarette before snuffing it out on the sidewalk and joining my buddy on the walk up to Stanley's house, happily secluded from everything Halloween.