Thursday, 24 December 2020

The North Pole Experience

The Christmas Market couldn’t come soon enough for the Phoenix Square Mall. Every year, the mall’s annual attendance was dwindling, but every Christmas was the busiest one yet. What was once a three week holiday event had been stretched to nearly six, with other underperforming annual events cancelled so that their budgets could go to the Christmas Market.

The cost was apparent to Avery and Christian as they walked into Phoenix Square. The entire atrium of the mall was now an enormous two-story snowglobe that you entered, a replica of a Dickensian village with fully functional holiday stores hawking their wares. Fake snow drifted down from the ceiling, and the air smelled like chestnuts and cinnamon - it was hard to tell whether the scent was authentic or piped in. Regardless, it sure made the place feel inviting, even cozy, which was impressive given its size.

The two young men were college roommates and, in their second year of living together, were now good friends as well. Whatever algorithm matched them up freshman year knew what it was doing. They were both meteorology majors who had no interest in being weathermen, but instead were fascinated by actual atmospheric science. That didn’t stop friends and family from treating them like weathermen, however. Especially as Christmas was approaching, all eyes were on them for predicting a white Christmas. With the big day still weeks away, they’d have more luck predicting next year’s Superbowl champions.

Outside of their passion for weather, they were also passionate gamers. Avery was an up-and-coming Twitch streamer whose fierce competitiveness and witty banter was giving him more notoriety every day. Meanwhile, Christian preferred to keep his gaming sessions private, even if he was a whiz at Minecraft who spent hours designing vast, intricate kingdoms in his spare time.

After a quick look around at the stalls selling handmade gifts, the two roommates settled on a bench outside of a larger than life gingerbread house that contained a stall selling sweet treats, its whimsical exterior and enticing aroma had suckered them in. It gave them an exceptional view of the very center of the atrium and its pièce de résistance - a giant, extravagantly decorated Christmas tree that almost touched the domed skylight it sat underneath. It was lavished with baubles and tinsel of shimmering gold and silver, wreaths of holly and poinsettias, life-size nutcrackers and bold colored presents. The glamorous star atop the tree glistened in the late morning sun, shining independent of the other sparkling decorations. It was almost too extravagant for the mall it preceded in.

Next to the tree was a rustic cottage painted a deep red hue and dusted with fake snow. The series of chain link ropes that led towards it were the only indicator for what was inside. Or rather, who would eventually be inside. With Halloween still fresh on the mind and Thanksgiving just around the corner, it appeared that the mall wasn’t quite ready for Santa Claus to make his appearance.

“Do kids even believe in the big guy these days?” Avery asked between sips of overpriced hot cocoa and gingerbread ‘roof tile’ cookies.

“Of course they do,” Christian replied with a small chuckle. “My nephew’s already written his letter to Santa.” He dug his phone out of his hoodie pocket and pulled up his family Whatsapp group as proof.

Avery rolled his eyes, scratching at the wispy goatee circling his chin. “Yeah, but he’s three. He probably thinks that surveillance elf moves on its own too.”

Christian groaned and jabbed Avery with his elbow. “Geez, who put coal in your stocking?”

“I’m just saying, I found out it was my parents before I even entered kindergarten.”

“Surprisingly, not everyone’s been desensitized to the holidays like you.”

“You would be too if you had to work retail. I still get flashbacks when I hear Jingle Bell Rock…”


After chugging the remnants of his cocoa, Christian stood up and stretched out his wiry body. “Well we’d better leave this Christmas hellhole before you get PTSD from the carolers.”

“Har har. Even you have to admit it’s too early to start celebrating. How can I celebrate Christmas when the leaves are still changing color?”

“Okay boomer…”

“Hey, you take that back!” Avery yelled as Christian jogged away with a cackle, his long, ginger hair bouncing with every step. Avery went to dart after him, but suddenly his way was blocked: a slim, short man in a jangly costume leapt into his path with a flourish and a smile.

“Pardon me, sir!” the ‘elf’ said, and Avery could see why the guy had been cast. He had a naturally smooth, youthful face and a petite build. The little pointy prosthetics he wore on the tops of his ears fit him well. “I’m Pippin, and I’m in need of some assistance.”

By this point, Christian had circled back to stand next to Avery. “How can we help you, Pippin?” he asked, earning a nudge in the ribs from Avery who could spot an impending sales pitch a mile away.

“As you know, we want every year at the Christmas Market to be the best year yet! This year we’ve added an interactive experience inspired by Santa Claus and his legendary workshop at the North Pole, and we’re looking for participants to playtest it to ensure it works and, more importantly, is fun! It would take up to two hours but you can check out at any time if it’s not for you, and there’s a handsome reward waiting at the end for those who complete it. I already have three testers ready, I’m just looking for two more to round out our group.”

“When would we need to come back?”

“Oh, it’s right now,” Pippin smiled.

“Oh.” Avery turned to Christian with a sigh. “Well, we were just about to, uhm…browse the sale in-”

“Oh, that can wait,” Christian interrupted. “The mall’s open for hours, this sounds interesting.”

Avery pulled Christian aside. “You seriously want to do this?”

“Why not? We were just talking about how we have nothing to do today. Besides, it sounds right up your alley. You always dreamed of being a games tester.“

"Yeah, video games! Not hokey Christmas carnival games!”

“Ohoho, this is more than a carnival,” Pippin piped up unannounced, making the men flinch from surprise. “It’s a multi-sensory, interactive experience that will fill you with holiday cheer!”

“See? People pay top dollar for things like this and he’s letting us try it out for free! Not only that, we’re getting paid at the end-”

“He didn’t say we’re getting paid, he said there’s a reward.”

“A handsome reward!” Pippin chimed in.

“And we can tap out if it sucks,” Christian reminded Avery. “I’ll just leave and grab some wings if I’m not having fun.” A sudden, sly grin crept across Christian’s lips. "Actually, how’s about we make things interesting? Whoever drops out first gets to clean the apartment for the next month. Plus, if you make it all the way to the end, we’ll go wherever you want to eat in the mall, dinner’s on me.”

“Oh, that’s sneaky. You know I love a good challenge…” Avery whined with a frown. He tapped his foot impatiently, then sighed and stuck out his hand. “You better be prepared to pay up. I’m thinking Korean barbecue for my victory meal.”

“We’ll see about that,” Christian replied as they shook on the arranged bet.

Tuesday, 1 December 2020

Family Discounts

While I do enjoy being the apprentice to an all powerful sorcerer and working in his Magic Curiosities Emporium, there are a few problems. For one, I'm in a constant state of work and education. If I'm not manning the store and helping customers, I'm being taught the how-tos and what-nots of the magical trade. Every moment is an opportunity to learn according to my master. It can also be a lonely life as everyone I used to know in my previous life has forgotten of my existence, and constantly being under the watchful eye of my master made it difficult to meet other people. 

Then there's that code of impartiality I'm magically bound to. It's mainly because some real shady shit happens within the confines of this shop, and it's bad business to interfere no matter how immoral or unethical it may be. I can offer advice or even warn of potential doom, but that's as far as I can go. If someone wants a potion that Medusas their neighbour, or enchanted gloves that Elsas the town then that's their prerogative, we need to earn money somehow. And when those problems collide? Ho boy. There are times I've struggled to keep impartial when folks from my former life enter the store. Much like how one of my former cousins lives in the plaza pond waiting for a fairy-tale obsessed woman to attempt kissing him. I did warn him beforehand but a purchase is a purchase. He was a bit of a misogynistic jerk, so I can't feel too bad about his froggening... 

So today, I was in for a shock. A short, stocky man entered the store with his teenaged son in tow. I almost ignored them until I heard the kid whine about missing the sales at Game Hut. I froze in place and stuck my head around the corner. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was Wilbur! In my former life, he was one of my closest friends. We would hang out all the time watching movies, playing video games, pulling pranks. Now I was closer to his dad's age which made those heydays feel a little weird. It had been over two years since I last saw my pal, and he looked almost exactly the same. He still even had that dorky fringe cut. Meanwhile, I was a good 30 years older and more than a hundred pounds heavier...

I had to physically restrain myself from greeting Wilbur with a hug, and tucked myself away in the hopes I wouldn't be spotted. It wasn't like either of them would recognise me. Even without the age-up, my master had performed an intricate reality shift to remove any traces of my former existence from the world. But I still knew them, and it's always so awkward having to pretend that I don't.

Eventually, Wilbur's dad spotted me as he marched away from the clearance rack and towards the shop counter. He had a determined look on his face which worried me. What exactly had they come searching for? With the sales going on, there was a lot that could go awry. I couldn't go against my impartiality vow but this was The Wilburnator! My dearest friend! I had to tread carefully, and maybe throw them on a different path that could benefit them in other ways...