Chronolysis

It's game time. I bought my cinema ticket for Hyperion Re:Union online, and I collected it from the self-service machine without any trouble. It didn't even alert someone to check if I was old enough to see an R-rated movie. That was the hard part of the plan. Now I just have to convince the ticket guy that I'm old enough to watch it unaccompanied... Okay, well I look every bit the high schooler that I am, but all the cool kids at school sneaked in, and I'm not going to be left behind! Luckily, I have a little trick up my sleeve...

Fortunes Told

"Look what I found in my pocket!" I glanced up from my phone, and watched as Jonesy produced a large cigar with a big grin. "Isn't that cool?" He chuckled, putting it up to his lips like he was smoking.

 "Hey, don't smoke it!" I cried, trying to reach up and snatch it from him. But Jonesy had the height and weight advantage, keeping me a fair distance away until I stopped thrashing. Then he poked his tongue out at me. Real mature... I grunted, "Are you even allowed to smoke here?"

"First of all, I can do whatever I want since I'm an adult. Besides, I made sure to check before we entered and, as long as we stay in this area, it's allowed."

"Why would you check for a smoking area?"

"In case I wanted to smoke!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed as Jonesy produced a lighter from another pocket. Where was he getting this stuff from... "So you've never smoked in your life, and just wanted to start because...?"

"That's just the kind of guy I am now. I don't know why you're so hung up on it. Unless..." He waggled his eyebrows from beneath his sunglasses as he leaned in closer, then whispered in my ear, "you're jealous..."

I swatted Jonesy away, and he fell into a laughing fit, almost dropping his cigar in the process. I buried my head in the menu to hide my reddening cheeks. He was right, I was jealous. Not that I was going to admit it to Jonesy's stupid, bald, wrinkly, old face. It wasn't because I wanted to smoke, that's just disgusting. It's the other thing... The fact that my baby bro was now some big, old muscle man. Not only that, but he keeps acting more like an actual adult, and I'm beginning to forget he was even my brother...

Pep Talk

 

Okay... You're okay... So you're suddenly big and hairy and old... But that's fine! You'll find a way to...to not be big a-and hairy and...old... Just be cool, you're just a normal guy who's washing his hands, and you're gonna... AH!

I leap back from the sink and clutch my chest, before whipping my hand away as it brushes against my chest hair... Ugh, it still sounds weird to say it. My chest hair. I have chest hair. And stomach hair. And back hair, ew... I grip the edge of the sink to stop my legs from collapsing again, and exhale a deep sigh. I need to ground myself, and recall what happened...

All-Inclusive

 

 

 

Aw man, this stinks... When that lady in the lobby said she could make me a grown up for the rest of the vacation, I was so excited! I imagined I'd be doing loads of cool stuff with all the other grown-ups, like bungee jumping and surfboarding and scuba diving! All the stuff I wanted to do on vacation, but I was always told I was "too young" or "too short" or whatever lousy excuse they told me. But now I know the truth. It's not that I wasn't allowed to do that stuff, it's that none of the grown-ups wanted to! All they want to do is sunbathe and drink at the poolside bar. It's so boring! 

 

Even if I suggest doing something fun, everyone stares at me like I'm an idiot for wanting to leave the hotel. I know it's all-inclusive, but there's more to vacation than this! I'd go and do it myself, but then I'd have to pay for the taxi to get there, and then pay to do the thing, and then pay for the souvenirs... It was easier when my parents paid for everything. And apparently, adult me didn't budget for anything outside of Happy Hour, so I'm basically stuck in this place... Vacations are expensive!

 

Even worse, now that I'm a grown up, I can't do the other fun things I could've done as a kid. Like the water splash park, or the mini-golf course. I even miss the stupid kids club the adults put you in when they decide they want a kids-free evening. At least they had videos games! I tried building sandcastles on the beach with the kids I used to be friends with, and the adults laughed and said it was cute that I was humoring them. They just don't understand...

 

I suppose I should focus on the positives of being a grown-up. It is pretty awesome that I'm bigger than all the kids and my stupid cousins. I even got muscles, so I can lift real heavy things like they were nothing. And having a beard is pretty neat too, except when it gets all itchy 'cause it's hot out. I guess it's cool that I can drink alcohol without getting into trouble, even though it tastes nasty without being mixed with lots of soda and juices. Actually, it's real nice to be treated like a person when I'm hanging with the other adults. Even strangers are a lot friendlier and happy to chat with me, which is a weird change of pace!

 

But I'd give it all up so I could be a kid again before the vacation is up. Wait a minute... That lady did say I'd stop being an adult when vacation's over, right? I didn't just assume she said that in the excitement of it all? I haven't seen her in the hotel since then... I can't be stuck like this! I don't wanna get a job...

Test Subject

 What luck! Just as I was wondering how to discreetly test my latest, ingenius invention, the perfect test subject happened to board the bus. He was your typical, defiant teenager who had decided that long, greasy hair, spiked accessories, and a liberal usage of eyeliner really stuck it to the man. He trudged to the back of the bus, dumping his bag covered with band buttons in the seat next to him. He was completely oblivious to the world around him, oblivious to me and my wonderful invention.

I swung open the device in my lap and aimed the transmitter at the goth, smiling as a list of attributes ran down the screen. Phase one worked perfectly. Now to put it into action... I decided to start with something subtle. Those unsightly ear gauges would do perfectly. I tapped in my desires and held my breath, trying not to stare as I waited... Then it happened! I stifled a squeal of glee as the large, plastic hoops melted and dripped out of his enlarged ear lobes. The liquid glided effortlessly around his ears and joined above his forehead, forming a standard pair of sunglasses. Meanwhile, his droopy ear lobes rolled back up, tightening and molding until there was no sign he'd ever pierced his ears, let alone stretched them out.

I couldn't believe it, my invention worked! I mean of course it worked, I am a genius after all. But to show such promise in its initial test run? I couldn't hope for any better! That goth brat was entirely unaware as well, even when he reached up to touch the sunglasses, only to adjust their position. He didn't notice a thing!