Chronolysis

It's game time. I bought my cinema ticket for Hyperion Re:Union online, and I collected it from the self-service machine without any trouble. It didn't even alert someone to check if I was old enough to see an R-rated movie. That was the hard part of the plan. Now I just have to convince the ticket guy that I'm old enough to watch it unaccompanied... Okay, well I look every bit the high schooler that I am, but all the cool kids at school sneaked in, and I'm not going to be left behind! Luckily, I have a little trick up my sleeve...

I still can't believe I was chosen to beta-test the new Chronolysis app. Just in time too, I only downloaded it this morning. Let's see, enter your current age... If you want to youthen or mature... How many years you want to change by... It's deceptively simple for such a powerful tool. So, obviously, I want to get older. But by how much? I want to be old enough to pass for a proper adult without getting questioned. Sooo 15 years should be more than enough. Even baby faced men look like men once they're nearing their thirties, Right? Aaannnd... There we go!

Oh, wow. That feels weird. Growing bigger, and buffer. Ooo, and all those little hairs popping up underneath my shirt feels so itchy. And I'm getting a beard! I've always wanted a beard. This is so wild! Think of all the things I could do with this app. Drive a car, go to a bar, maybe even.... Wait...no...nonononono, my hair! I only wanted to be, like, thirty years old! Why is my hair falling out!? And it's...grey...? What the fuck is going on! C'mon phone, make it stop... Wait... Nooo... Thank you for using Chronolysis, you made yourself fif...fifty-one years older?? Fuck! I entered 51 years!? But that would make me... Old...

No... No, I only wanted to be fifteen years older, what happ- No, I don't want to fucking share my results! There should have been a confirmation button before starting! Then I would've noticed my mistake, and I wouldn't be some old grandpa now! Agh, this is a nightmare! I can't... Wait, I can just un-mature myself! Duh, it's not a perman- And the app just crashed. Perfect... Okay, it's not the end of the world... At least I look pretty cool for an old geezer, check out those tats. And my beard is sick, even if it's all white. I could do without the bald head though, that's lame. It feels weird too...

Oh! The thingie came back! The app! Alright, so I need to... Jeez that text is small, let me put on my reading glasses...when did I get these... Wait, this is some computer game, where's the chromio thingie? I want to use the age magic one, not the - What even is this? Space-plosions?? How do I... No, don't open the camera! Ugh, these blasted smartphones are so confusing nowadays. Too much flashiness, not enough practicalities. And nobody uses a phone to talk to people any more, when... Ah! I'm beginning to sound like an oldie too, ew...

Sigh, well it looks like the servers are down, so I can't do anything anyway. This is just great... Well, I can't stay in this restroom. I'll have to figure out how to make the stupid thing work after the movie is finished. At least nobody will assume I'm a teen in disguise any more. Not with wrinkles like this... Damn, I should have waited to get my ticket, I could have got a senior discount. Well, you live and you learn. And I've waited months to see... What was it again? Hyperactive Universes or something? Another one of those repetitive superhero movies. All action, no nuance. That's all they make nowadays! I suppose it's a good place as any to have a nap...