Long-Distance Spell

I was busy working on a report for work when my quiet time was rudely interrupted by my son yelling down the hallway. Without warning, Chris burst into my study and yelled, "He's gonna do it!"

I sighed. "Who's going to do what?"

"Grandpa!" He was brimming with excitement. "He's going to do the spell!"

"Aha..." I mumbled as I turned back to my screen, trying to recall what I was writing. That old coot was always bragging about his supposed magical abilities with nothing to show for it. 

"Don't you remember? I told him how you always tell me to grow up and stop acting like a baby, and he got all annoyed?"

"Oh, I remember," I replied with a sour expression. "But your grandpa isn't a wizard, no matter how much he believes it. You really must grow out of these fantasies..."

"Yeah, like that! He said he knew a spell to help me, and that he'd also help you reconnect with your childhood since you're a pain in the butt that needs to learn manners."

"Charming..." That man has had it out for me ever since I had that little affair and broke it off with my, um, lovely ex-wife. Honestly, I'd love to cut that whole, weird family out of my life, but Chris was too close to them, he wouldn't understand... I tried to shoo him away, until my computer screen started to flicker.

The air felt like static. I turned to look at Chris, who had a grin on his face. "I think it's starting! I'm gonna go watch!" He ran out of the room. I felt uneasy. Why did the room feel so peculiar? There was no chance the spell was real, right?

I tried to get up from my desk but I couldn't move. I felt like I was being crushed and compressed by an invisible vice. The sound of white noise buzzed in my head. The room was growing larger around me, the shelves towering high overhead and threatening me with their lofty heights. I grunted and tried to cry for help, but no sound came out. In a panic, I clutched my eyes shut and focussing on my breathing as the crushing sensation tightened, a heavy pressure filling my entire being...

And just like that, it was over. I gulped in heavy breaths as I opened my eyes to assess the situation. It wasn't my imagination, the room had grown around me. My desk loomed above me, and I couldn't even look at what was on my computer screen without standing on the chair. 

As I jumped off of my seat, I felt an uncomfortable breeze. My shirt swamped my entire body, while my pants were in a crumpled pile on the floor. Which made sense, everything else had gotten bigger. But there was something else wrong. I fished my arms out through my once short sleeves. They were tiny, smooth, twigs that ended in stubs for hands. They were like plastic compared to my usual hair-wrapped, meaty limbs. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were almost child-like...

A booming voice called out from the hallway. "It totally worked! I'm so big!" Heavy footsteps pounded ever closer until the door swung open, and in burst a massive bear of a man When he spotted me, he beamed and stepped towards me before crouching so we were face to face. "I told you he'd cast a spell, and he did!"

I couldn't help but gape. If I didn't know any better, I would have assumed this guy was a long lost brother. We had a similar build, and similar facial features. But deep in my unsettled gut, I know the real answer. "Chris...?"

"In the flesh!" He jumped to his feet and made some stupid superhero pose. Yet even with his immaturity on display, I just couldn't process the fact that this man was my son... He wasn't even a young man. The gray hairs on his chin, that carpet of fur covering his sudden dad bod, even his hair was thinning so I could see the scalp underneath. In fact, he looked to be about my age... The last half hour flashed through my mind, and I felt like I could be sick. He was a fucking wizard all along...

I peeked under my shirt to confirm what I feared most, that I now had the body of a pre-pubescent boy. Meanwhile, Chris had turned his attention to his own reflection, now that he was tall enough to reach the mirror in the study. He rubbed his bristly cheeks and said in his low rumble of a voice, "I can't believe I'm really a grown up man. Isn't this so awesome?"

"Of course not, it's terrifying, and...and confusing..." I grumbled upon hearing my whiny, nasal voice. Did I really sound like that when I was Chris' age? "Why would I ever want to be a kid again? I hated being a kid."

"That's why he cast the spell," Chris said in a matter-of-fact tone. "He thinks you should get the chance to relive being a kid so you can remember what being young is like again. Then he wants me to fully understand what it's like to be a man, and how to act more mature. I'm stoked, I already feel so manly. I mean, I got all this hair everywhere like you did! And I'm all thick. and beefy like you were. I even got wrinkles and white hairs on my face, like you had. It makes me feel so grown up!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My own son conspired with the old coot so they could force me back into childhood? What did that twisted bastard have planned. If only Sharon could've... Wait a minute... I stroked my chin, shuddering at how unnaturally smooth my skin felt, then said "What about your poor mother? She would be so upset to hear that her own father turned her only son into a man even older than herself?"

"Nah, she's cool with it." My jaw dropped. Chris rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward grin. "She was kinda the one who suggested it, really. She thought it'd be funny if you were a little kid again. She said it was time you were the age you acted. And she thinks I'd make a better dad than you, like a role model."

I gulped. Did Sharon really think that little of me? I thought the divorce was amicable... Of course, I wasn't exactly monogamous but who is these days? I knew that decrepit fucker had it out for me, but I didn't realise that spiteful bitch was scheming with him. and to involve our son, too? This whole situation was fucked up beyond belief...

"That bitch..."

"Ah-ah, language!" Chris waggled his finger at me, his face twisted into his best attempt at a stern expression. "You're a little kid now, so you can't be saying naughty words."

"Oh, and you can?"

"Not around you, I have to set an example." He nodded in agreement with himself before breaking his façade with a childish giggle. "Ooh, I'm going to be an awesome, responsible daddy! We're going to have some fun, aren't we?"

"Uhhh..." This was decidedly not fun... But if I play along, maybe even play up the aspects of being a kid, Chris'll get bored soon enough and get Merlin the Shit to reverse his spell. Once he discovers the real perils of adulthood, he'll crack like a nut! Hopefully...