Road Trip

  

Where the hell was Jason? He'd left me alone in this overnight homestay right as I was packed and ready to move onto the next leg of our journey. Of course, he was probably out "working on his gains" or whatever... It didn't help that I'd woken up early after yet another restless night, thoughts of my current predicament plaguing my mind. My stomach growled, desperate for chicken and waffles from the diner I spotted last night.

Finally, I heard the front door open and shut, followed by heavy panting. I peeked around the corner to see my half-brother leant up against the wall. He was wearing just gym shorts and a pair of sneakers. Flaunting his buff, hairy body, almost like he was taunting me. His chest hair was matted to his sweaty skin, more sweat dripping down his unshaven cheeks and that dumb mustache of his.

"Whew, the gym in this place is ace!" Jason praised through intermittent breaths. "I was expecting an afterthought like in the last joint, but they have the whole she-bang! I haven't pushed myself that hard in a while." I grumbled in response, not wanting the whole story. He walked towards the kitchen, empty bottle in hand. "I came back from some much needed hydration, then I'm going to take a quick run to cool down, and we can head out to get some breakfast. Sound good?"

I stared daggers at him. Who did he think he was, trying to take control of the road trip? I was the one who got us here, I was the one who wrote up the itinerary, I planned it all! I oughtta... "Hold on," I piped up, reaching for my own sneakers. "I want to go with you."

"You want to go on a run with me?" He asked, almost surprised. "Are you sure? It's not the flattest terrain. I mean, no offense, but you're a novice when it comes to physical activity. Maybe we could start smaller, get on a treadmill or-"

"No, I want to go with you now!" I growled. There he goes again, trying to coddle me. Treating me like a child. It was nerve grating! "The whole point of this trip was to spend time together, right? And you keep doing your own stuff. It's not fair."

Jason tugged on that dumb mustache of his, clearly conflicted, before shrugging his shoulders in defeat. "Alright," he sighed. "I suppose I should take it slow for a cool down."

And there he goes, guilt-tripping me. Like it's my fault I want to spend time with him. I don't care what he looks like now, he's still my baby brother. I'll show him what I'm capable of. Even if everything was different now, I can prove I'm still big brother material. I have to. I can't let him take it from me...

Cock-Up

The first mistake Richard made was drinking with his roommate, Johnny. He had moved in with the guy about 5 months ago, and they hadn't really bonded with each other until this moment. Richard was a very solitary man who kept to himself, while Johnny was an outgoing party animal who was out most nights. But he had wanted to get closer to him, if just to stave off the awkwardness whenever they were in the same room together. So when Johnny's plans fell through one night, he pushed himself to suggest binging a reality dating show together.

It started off casual. They chatted about their work, Richard worked in a deliveries warehouse, while Johnny worked in entertainment, shadowing an illustionist. He called himself a sorcerer's apprentice, but that was just the schmaltzy way of saying he did magic tricks. He even performed an impromptu show, making the dining room chairs and table hover and spin, which impressed Richard entirely. Although, he was a bit of a lightweight when it came to alcohol. He was already highly inebriated after his first beer. 

That was his second mistake. As his roommate moved on from the magic show, his focus drawn by a cheating scandal on TV, the conversation moved to sexual exploits. Johnny was quite boastful about his many soirées. Whereas, Richard was less than experienced. In fact, he couldn't stop himself from blurting out that he was still a virgin. The energy in the room changed as Johnny zoned in on his confession, asking how? Why? Why not? But Richard stayed evasive. Thankfully, all was forgotten as the fake tension of break-ups happened on the TV, but not entirely...

Over the next few days, Richard did his best to avoid Johnny, who seemed overly interested in him. Yeah, he was a virgin, but he didn't want to throw it away with just anyone. It's not like Johnny wasn't a hunk. He was a poster boy for good looks. But he was loud, abrasive, and far too into himself. Not to mention the laundry list of previous endeavours. No, he wanted his first time to be meaningful to both parties.

Finally, things came to a head one morning while Richard was mulling over Halloween costume ideas. Did he want to go as Joe Locke in Heartstoppers or Joe Locke in Agatha? As he shifted between his web browser tabs, Johnny stepped into his room with a confident rap on the door. "Dicky boy!" He declared with gusto. "I was thinking about your little V-card ish, and I have a proposition for ya."

It was the moment Richard had been dreading. He just had to rip off the band-aid. He cleared his throat and stumbled over his words as he tried to put him down gently. "Uhm, I'm flattered, but you're not exactly my type..."

Johnny broke into a broad grin. "Back atcha. I like a man with meat on his bones, and you're barely 120 pounds soaking wet." The lug broke into a boisterous laugh that Richard didn't join. He may not have wanted the attention, but could it have killed the guy to be less honest? Johnny wiped away a tear before continuing, "No, no. It sounds to me that you're not confident in your sexual prowess. So I figured we could practice a little."

"Meaning?"

"Well, if you had a better idea of how to do the do, then when it comes around, you'll know what to do."

It sounded ridiculous to Richard at first, although when he thought on it, it sort of made sense. He had the know-how, but it was all from watching porn. Without applying it practically, he might always psych up his first time into an impossibility. And he definitely didn't want that. So with a quiet sigh, he agreed to the peculiar idea. That was his final mistake.

Hidden Cove, Hidden Intentions

"I don't think we're allowed out here," Oscar grumbled as he tip-toed through the overgrown path. "Did you see those signs? It looked like a bunch of warnings..."

"Ah, you worry too much, bud!" Ron grinned. "I did some research before the trip, and this place cropped up! It's off-the-radar, untouched by the masses." As they stumbled down the rocky path, they stepped into the secluded cove of Tānetanga and they both gaped. "See? Paradise! And look, there are other people here. So much for warnings."

Oscar looked at the other people, subconsciously noting a heavy presence of men. It was a pretty looking beach, but he would still rather be at the large beach where everyone else was, where the ice cream truck was, and that super-cool inflatable slide floating just off shore. But he rarely got to spend time with his dad. He was surprised his mom even let them go on vacation, just the two of them. She always complained about him. How he's always late on child support, he only shows up when he needs something, that he's a charlatan, whatever that was. So to allowed them to go all the way to New Zealand must mean that she trusts him for once.

As he walked down toward the beach, Oscar felt a tingle in his feet. The familiar warmth of the sun-baked sand spread across his soles. Except he was wearing flip-flops and standing in the shade. When he did step out into the sun, the intensity increased until it spread throughout his body. He'd never felt such a curious warmth. It was like he was wrapped in a particularly uncomfortable sweater. 

Ron shook out his fold-up chair and draped it with a beach towel, before collapsing into the seat with a sigh. While Oscar had only brought a towel with him, which he carefully spread out on the sand. He could still feel that warmth. Even stripped down to his swimming trunks, it left him feeling sticky.

"Dad, I feel weird..."

"It's all that sugar you had before we left."

"No, it's something else... I don't like it here, can we go?"

"What? We just got here! At least give it a chance!" Ron looked up and pointed to the ocean. "Hey, there's another kid here. Why don't you go play with him?"

"Him?" Oscar asked, squinting at the figure. "He has to be, like, five years older than me. He won't want anything to do with me."

"You won't know until you go and ask, champ. Now go! Have fun!"

Ron gave him a little shove, and shooed him away. Oscar stomp-kicked his way through the sand with a scowl. His dad never listened to him. He was too busy with his weird conspiracy podcasts and get rich quick schemes that never seemed to work. Not that it stopped him from being drawn to every MLM or snake oil salesman imaginable. But he couldn't let that bother him now. Knowing his dad, he'd probably get bored after ten minutes and they'll stroll back to the hotel.

Spectacular Hair Growing Miracle

James was a little worried about his son. He'd received a package in the mail, whereupon he immediately ran upstairs with it and to the bathroom. At his age, it was probably best not to ask any questions or interrupt under most circumstances. Boys will be boys, after all. But then he could hear him cussing out loud, even from downstairs. It sounded like whatever he'd bought, it wasn't going the way he wanted. It was probably another of those cheap doohickeys from that dumb online shopping app everyone seemed to be into these days. He didn't care for it, of course. A lot of the cheap tat on there was either faulty or fake. It's too good to be true, he always said, because there was always a reason for the price.

As James walked upstairs, he noticed that the bathroom door wasn't properly closed, there was a slither of a gap. Outside the bathroom, he could hear the shower running, his son groaning and cursing under his breath. He always tried to give his son some privacy, but he also had to make sure he wasn't in any trouble. So James rapped on the bathroom door. "You okay in there, Duncan?" he asked.

He heard him grunt in surprise, followed by the sound of scrambling hands and bottles. Eventually, Duncan yelled back, "everything's peachy! Don't come in!" Yet his voice sounded scratchy, gravelly even. As if he'd caught a cold. The shower turned off, and there was more of that whispered cussing that sounded unusually deep as it echoed around the bathroom walls. 

"I wasn't going to!" James replied. "But if there's something you want to talk about, you know I'm here." Even if it was embarrassing, he couldn't leave him injured or in pain.

There was a few seconds pause before Duncan finally replied, "Fine... Just don't look until I tell you to." James pushed the door open slowly, his hand covering his eyes, and stepped inside. He could see Duncan's feet as he stood in the shower entrance. But they looked bigger, swollen even. They led up to a pair of hair-covered legs that he couldn't remember his son ever having. A towel hung loose against his knees, flapping as it unfurled and assumedly wrapped around his waist. Duncan let out a heavy sigh. "Okay," he grunted. "You can look, but don't be mad..."

James uncovered his eyes, and jolted back in surprise, slamming his back into the now shut door. Instead of the husky, young teen he was expecting to see, he was faced with a burly, hirsute, middle-aged man.  There was a guilty look on his rounded face. Yet despite the salt and pepper beard, and the weathered skin, and the completely bald scalp, he could make out a strong familial resemblance. As if this man could have been his uncle. And yet, his gut told him otherwise.

 

 

"Okay, I know this looks bad," the man grumbled as he sheepishly rubbed his scalp. Which had to be the biggest understatement. It looked like his son had been replaced by a man far older, far hairier, and far huskier than even himself. The man could sense James' apprehension, and added, "Let me explain everything!"

Morning Pranks

It was the morning following a very successful sleepover for Jackson and Bart. They'd stayed up watching scary movies with lots of snacks, and very little adult supervision. For the most part, his embarrassing dad had kept to himself for the evening. And now, the following morning, the two boys were battling each other in the newest Boulevard Brawler game. Things were going well until Bart finally piped up.

"Your dad's acting weird today."

His dad was always weird, Jackson thought to himself. But it was true, he'd been even weirder this morning. It all started when Bart woke him up from a blissful sleep, having crept out of the room to use the bathroom, only to find it occupied. Inside, his dad was in his undies, staring at himself in the mirror and flexing at himself. He even grabbed his phone so he could take some selfies, until he finally noticed the two boys giggling uncontrollably in the doorway. 

That wasn't too weird, his dad was pretty egotistical about his huge size, and masculine appearance. He worked out most days, when he wasn't on the construction site putting those muscles to good use. He even had beard paraphernalia around the house because he was obsessed with his bushy facial fur. But Jackson had never actually seen him acting so narcissistic. Maybe this is what he was like behind closed doors. And that was just the start of it.

The Ideal Valentine

The night was young, and Miles was getting frisky with his girlfriend, Jackie. The two had been together for three years now, and their Valentine's Day had only begun. After a wonderful night out, there was only one thing on the lovers' minds. However, as soon as their lovemaking entered the honeymoon suite they'd booked for the night, Jackie paused a rowdy Miles as she rummaged in her underwear drawer. "I wanted to do something extra special for tonight, so I got us these." She held out two little bottles of shimmering liquid, dropping one into his open hands. "Drink this while I get into something more comfortable, and we'll have a night to remember!"

With that, Jackie slipped into the bathroom to freshen up. However, Miles had a few Valentine's plans of his own. He left the vial on Jackie's vanity table, then reached under the bed to pull out a box of treasures. He sprinkled some rose petals on the bed, lit a few scented candles, and dug out the box of premium chocolates and champagne. Then came to the pièce de résistance; a pair of tearaway briefs with a heart-print pattern that cupped his junk just so. He had this Valentine's thing in the can.

Finally, Miles got around to the small bottle his girlfriend had given him. It was a vibrant purple, with a peculiar sparkle. He noticed that the vial had a sticker on the front, a circle sitting atop a cross. He cocked his head, it was the universal symbol for women, and femininity. Why did Jackie want him to drink this? Then again, she was somewhat into witchcraft in a cutesy, fashion way. It was probably some sort of aphrodisiac she'd found online, made to spice the evening up a little. A way to find his inner women, and better understand how to pleasure her, perhaps. He uncorked the vial, and sniffed the contents. Sweet notes, with a floral undertone. Well, bottoms up.

"AAAHHHHH!!"

A Grizzly Christmas Wish

It was a chilly weekend morning when I received the text from Kris. "Hey, Bobby and I are in town for the weekend! Let's do Christmas lunch so we can catch up!" They were my closest friends back in high school, but since I moved downtown, we barely see each other. It'd be nice to catch up, and god knows I have nothing better to do. But I just know they're going to be all lovey-dovey around each other, and I'll have to face the questions about my relationship, or lack of one. It's been one break-up after another for me. Not all of us can be high school sweethearts...

While I was busy decorating the apartment for Christmas, and debating whether I should pretend to be sick, I found a Santa hat buried at the very bottom of the box. Clearly a leftover from last year's office party. I remembered stories from when I was a kid, where making a wish while wearing Santa's hat would make them come true. It was a little silly, but I couldn't help myself. I pulled it on my head, closed my eyes, and spoke aloud. "I wish I had a date that I could take to lunch." Before I could even open my eyes again, a loud knocking jolted me back to reality. I wasn't expecting any deliveries, or even any visitors. There's no way...

The knock came again, louder. I tossed the hat onto the sofa and darted to the door, taking a quick peek in the peephole before opening it with a big grin. It was my neighbor, Sophia. She moved in a few months ago, and there was an immediate sexual tension between us, Anyone with common sense could see the sparks we had whenever we crossed paths. "Heeey," I growled, trying not to seem too excited by fate finally bringing us together. "What's up, Soph?"

"Oh Tom," she cooed. "I'm so glad you're home. Do you have any plans today?"

"Well, that depends. What did you have in mind?"

"I need to run some errands, and out of the blue, my babysitter called to say she couldn't make it." My heart dropped as she shuffled aside, and little Casey, her young son, popped into frame. "I don't suppose you could look after him for the day? Please?" Sophia pouted her lip a little, looking at me with expectant eyes. So much for that hot date... 

With a heavy sigh, I nodded my head and said, "sure. I can do that."

"Thank you so much!" She gave me a quick hug before waving me off. "I owe you big time, Tommy!"

"You sure do..." I mumbled under my breath before closing the door. Casey's cute and all, but this wasn't what I had in mind. Still, it was a great excuse to get out of this lunch. When I returned to the living room, I was surprised to find Casey with his hands on the Santa hat. "Why do you have one of these?" He asked. He squinted his eyes. "Are you Santa?"

"What? No! I've been decorating, and found it in one of the boxes." I sat down next to him. "You know, when I was your age, my mama told me that if you wear one and wish extra hard, Santa will grant your biggest wish."

He gasped, and yanked the hat onto his little head, quick as a dart. He scrunched up his face, and cried out, "I wish I was a bear!"

I let out a snort and asked, "A bear? Why would you want to be a bear?"

"Bears are so cool! They're really, really, big and fuzzy and cute, but they're also mean and scary too, and they live in the forest, and catch fish with their paws, and eat all the honey they want, and scratch their backs on trees, and they get to sleep all the time, and-"

I shook my head with a laugh. The kid was hilarious. But if the hat couldn't score me a date with Sophia, there was no way it was turning Casey into a bear. I let him babble on while I ducked into the kitchen to get us some snacks, and find a way to word babysitting duties into a well-meaning excuse.

No Refunds

It was an unusually quiet day in the store. So quiet, I actually had time to finish the crossword in the newspaper without a single disturbance. I suppose money is tight nowadays. But even the reliable window shoppers hadn't turned up. I was considering closing up early when the bell above the door tinkled. Finally, a customer.

"Hey! I've got a bone to pick with you!"

I frowned. A customer. There goes my quiet afternoon... I turned around to see a stout man with a round, bearded face striding towards me with a sour expression. "Ah, Mr. Grant," I chimed pleasantly. "How lovely it is to see you again." The man paused mid-stride, clearly surprised that I remembered him. But it's my job to remember every single person that enters through those doors, regardless of current appearances. It still gave me a smug feeling every time, however. I asked him, "What appears to be the problem."

Grant snapped out of his stupor, and grunted. "Isn't it obvious? Look at me!" He waved his hands up and down his bulky body.

"Yes, you're a man now, just like you wanted." Grant was a young lad the previous day, just on the cusp of pubescence. Like many of the youths who enter the shop, he was desperate for a means to grow up, to become an adult. And like many of them, I had exactly the means to do so. In Grant's case, I had a box of aging cream I was just about to throw away before he turned up. I thought it was luck, although it appears things have turned sour... I switched tactics, and said with a sly wink, "And might I add, you've grown into quite the handsome gentleman."

"Shut up!" He growled, slamming a carrier bag down onto the counter with a sharp thud. So much for sweet talk. "I'm not handsome, I'm old! This isn't what I wanted at all! I want a refund."

Bigger

Want to be bigger? CLICK HERE!

Jerry stared at the ad on his phone. He only wanted to look up a walkthrough to a game he'd gotten stuck on. Then the video he'd chosen was interrupted by an ad break, as was typical. However, the ad choice was unusual. Even weirder, it didn't end. There was no timer counting down the remaining seconds. No X to close that would resume his video. Despite the irregularity, Jerry remained transfixed by those six simple words.

Because of course, he wanted to be bigger. It was his strongest desire, one he hadn't told anyone before. Not that they'd be surprised. What eleven-year-old didn't want to? And here was this intrusive advert, just begging him to interact. He knew not to click on dodgy links, that was basically Internet Safety 101. Yet, that innate desire of his, to be bigger than he was, it was too much. He squinted his eyes, and tapped the glowing link, before releasing a breath he didn't even realise he was holding. 

As the page loaded, Jerry dwelled on his predicament. It just wasn't fair. He was the shortest kid in his class. He was the thinnest, too. His best friend used to be as short as he was. Then he had a major growth spurt, leaving him in the dust. Everyone seemed to tower over him. His dad would always laugh it off, saying he was also the runt when he was the same age. But now he was tall, and broad, and so much bigger than everyone else in the family. It just wasn't fair, he'd waited years for that hypothetical growth spurt, when was it even going to happen? He wanted to be bigger now!

Finally, the website loaded. It was a garish looking piece of work that Jerry would have immediately backed out of, were it not for its promise. Still, it looked like it was made by an amateur in the early days of the internet, with pixellated GIFs, bold colours, and mismatching fonts. In the centre was a single message.

Do You want to be BIGGER? The biggest in your CLASS? In your SCHOOL?? Even bigger than your DAD???

Follow our INSTANT embiggening plan below!!!

BIGGER

Jerry raised an eyebrow. That was a little too specific, almost as if it were aimed at him. But surely he wasn't the only one... With a small bit of hesitation, he tapped the blue link. As the page loaded, his phone sparked. He jumped back in shock, dropping it on the floor. He slammed a palm into his forehead, why would he do something so foolish!? Had he busted his phone? Was it now a virus-ridden block? His parents were gonna ground him for a year! It was a hand-me-down, too... Carefully, he picked the phone up, and sighed in relief. The screen still worked, and it wasn't cracked either. The website now displayed a progress bar. 

EMBIGGENING - 3%.

Not Always Greener

I pulled up outside my old house and sighed. I can't believe it's really been a month. I thought it was going to be a breeze. Hell, I even thought I'd conveniently misplace the brooch, and never go back. But modern teen life definitely wasn't how I imagined it would be. I'm almost glad to be going back to living my old life, even if it wasn't exciting. It was a mistake to consider playing out my fantasy. At least I know Brent is going to be pleased to get back to his own life too...

I knocked on the front door, and was a little dismayed when Frank opened the door. It was strange to see him after a full month. It was crazy how much I missed his beautiful face, his warm touch... "Oh, Gerald," he said with a smile. "What a surprise! I wish you'd called ahead, I was just about to head out."

I was surprised. Didn't Brent let him know I was coming? We did mark today's date down in our phones, just in case we forgot. I smiled and nodded, saying, "Don't worry, I just came by to see my uncle. We have things to discuss."

"He's outside in his usual spot," Frank replied, patting me on the shoulder as he left. I shuddered at his touch, I couldn't wait for things to get back to normal. He turned on his heel, then added, "If you stick around for dinner, I'm making my famous meatloaf."

I waved him goodbye, knowing I would definitely be around for dinner. His meatloaf really was the best. I couldn't wait to sit at the dinner table with him, gossiping about the neighbors, and complaining about work. It's the little things you miss... 

Malfunctioning Clock

Things were quiet at the store this morning. That is, until an agitated man stormed through the door. I could sense his negative energy before he entered, of course. Yet the way he slammed the door open was enough to make me jump in fright. As he strode up to the counter, I was afraid he was going to throttle me! Still, I managed to keep my composure and smiled. "Good morning, how may I be of assistance today?" He said nothing. Instead, he thrust an alarm clock in my face. It looked familiar, certainly one of my own. Yet I couldn't place his face. He could be any of the bald, angry men who required my assistance. From recent memory, I'd only sold one of those clocks to a much younger man... "Oh, I remember you! You're the late bloomer, that's right..." I gazed at him and frowned. "Oh dear, you've aged terribly..."

"You think?" He growled as he slammed the clock on the desk. "This fucking clock is broken! It won't stop fucking ringing! Every ten minutes, R-I-I-I-NG! R-I-I-I-NG!" As if on cue, the alarm clock suddenly sprang to life in his hand. He slammed his hand down on the buzzer and buried his head in his hands, releasing a short wail. "It's driving me insane!"

Chronolysis

It's game time. I bought my cinema ticket for Hyperion Re:Union online, and I collected it from the self-service machine without any trouble. It didn't even alert someone to check if I was old enough to see an R-rated movie. That was the hard part of the plan. Now I just have to convince the ticket guy that I'm old enough to watch it unaccompanied... Okay, well I look every bit the high schooler that I am, but all the cool kids at school sneaked in, and I'm not going to be left behind! Luckily, I have a little trick up my sleeve...

All-Inclusive

 

 

 

Aw man, this stinks... When that lady in the lobby said she could make me a grown up for the rest of the vacation, I was so excited! I imagined I'd be doing loads of cool stuff with all the other grown-ups, like bungee jumping and surfboarding and scuba diving! All the stuff I wanted to do on vacation, but I was always told I was "too young" or "too short" or whatever lousy excuse they told me. But now I know the truth. It's not that I wasn't allowed to do that stuff, it's that none of the grown-ups wanted to! All they want to do is sunbathe and drink at the poolside bar. It's so boring! 

 

Even if I suggest doing something fun, everyone stares at me like I'm an idiot for wanting to leave the hotel. I know it's all-inclusive, but there's more to vacation than this! I'd go and do it myself, but then I'd have to pay for the taxi to get there, and then pay to do the thing, and then pay for the souvenirs... It was easier when my parents paid for everything. And apparently, adult me didn't budget for anything outside of Happy Hour, so I'm basically stuck in this place... Vacations are expensive!

 

Even worse, now that I'm a grown up, I can't do the other fun things I could've done as a kid. Like the water splash park, or the mini-golf course. I even miss the stupid kids club the adults put you in when they decide they want a kids-free evening. At least they had videos games! I tried building sandcastles on the beach with the kids I used to be friends with, and the adults laughed and said it was cute that I was humoring them. They just don't understand...

 

I suppose I should focus on the positives of being a grown-up. It is pretty awesome that I'm bigger than all the kids and my stupid cousins. I even got muscles, so I can lift real heavy things like they were nothing. And having a beard is pretty neat too, except when it gets all itchy 'cause it's hot out. I guess it's cool that I can drink alcohol without getting into trouble, even though it tastes nasty without being mixed with lots of soda and juices. Actually, it's real nice to be treated like a person when I'm hanging with the other adults. Even strangers are a lot friendlier and happy to chat with me, which is a weird change of pace!

 

But I'd give it all up so I could be a kid again before the vacation is up. Wait a minute... That lady did say I'd stop being an adult when vacation's over, right? I didn't just assume she said that in the excitement of it all? I haven't seen her in the hotel since then... I can't be stuck like this! I don't wanna get a job...

Into The Convention

 So in an unusual turn of events, I'm throwing out a spoiler warning. If you haven't seen Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, then I suggest you do so before reading this. Otherwise, enjoy!

It was a bright weekend morning at the World Plaza Hotel, and the lobby was buzzing with activity. The annual comic convention had come to town, bringing hundreds of cosplaying fanatics to the hotel. The conference halls were packed and everyone was ready for a good time. Everyone except Andy. He stared out of his hotel room window, too high to even make out what was happening down below, and sighed.

The only reason he came on this trip was the convention. When he found our his dad was staying at the hotel for a business trip on the same weekend, Andy pleaded to tag along for the ride. His dad eventually broke down, but there was a catch. Since the trip was strictly for work purposes, they could only visit the convention in the afternoon. Andy reluctantly obliged but in hindsight, he may as well have stayed home given how he couldn’t even leave the room by himself.

At least he still could watch his favourite movie as much as he wanted. He was already on his third rewatch that day. But it was so good, he couldn't bring himself to watch anything else. Plus, it helped hype him up for his first convention. He jumped back on his bed and grinned as an animated Spider-Man appeared on screen. Andy was the biggest Spider-Man fan, maybe ever. He'd seen every movie, every cartoon series, and read some of the old comics that they kept in the library. He even dreamed of Spider-Man every night. His favourite? Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, obviously. It had not one Spider-Man, but multiple Spider-People! He had almost memorised the script to heart. Yet not even the thrill and hilarity of Miles Morales discovering his new powers could quieten his mind.

Andy looked to his suitcase, where his very own Spider-Man costume lay waiting, his thoughts turning to the previous day. He peeked into one of the conference halls while his dad checked into the hotel, and they were still setting everything up. As he walked away in disappointment, he accidentally bumped into an old man with a thick moustache and sent several boxes crashing to the floor. Of course, he offered to help clean up the mess as any do-gooder would do. He was tickled to learn that the old man was a costume vendor who dabbled in comic and movie accurate outfits. Andy was desperate to see what Spider-Man costumes he had, but his dad interrupted them before he could ask. The old man handed him a business card before scurrying back into the conference room. Andy shoved it into his pocket without even a glance. 

The movie had reached the end of its first act, and Andy was tearing up. No matter how many times he saw it, the moment where Spider-Man sacrificed himself to save Miles always packed a heavy punch. The city had come to a halt to hold a memorial service for Peter Parker, and Miles was preparing to purchase a costume in remembrance. Andy wiped away his tears and shuffled closer to the screen as Miles approached the counter. The shop owner looked mighty familiar. Any Marvel fan worth their weight would recognise the moustachioed old man, but Andy had someone else in mind... He dug into his pockets and pulled out the card he was given. It was solid black with gold lettering. 

JK/SL COSTUMING - THE COSTUME OF YOUR DREAMS

Andy chuckled softly as he wiped a thumb over the embossed words. His dream was to be like Spider-Man, but that was never going to happen. Radioactive spiders weren't real, let alone super powers. He'd done enough research online to know that much. He dropped the card on the floor and looked back up to the screen. He didn't notice as the card shimmered in the window light beam.

The Wonder Realms

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us for tonight’s performance of Wizard’s Fury. We hope your visit to the Wonder Realms Resort has been a truly enchanting experience. Until we see you again, have a safe journey home. Thank you, and goodnight!”

The closing announcement was hardly audible over the cries and chatter of the crowd. The smell of smoke and sulphur from the nightly fireworks display lingered in the air alongside the wafts of buttered popcorn and sweat. A wave of thousands slowly bobbed towards the exit. Another day of fun and excitement had concluded as the Wonder Realms closed its gates for another night. The family friendly theme park had been around for years, offering thrills and spills in the Florida sunshine for 50 strong years. It was celebrating its anniversary with a year-long event called the Festival of Smiles where they planned to giveaway fifty thousand prizes to random guests ranging from plush toys up to lifetime park tickets for the whole family.

Hence why Alton had dragged his own family to the Leisure Arcade, a sheltered walkway behind the series of interconnected shops along Market Street, the cobblestoned European-style street that acted as the entrance and exit to the theme park. His family had made an annual visit to the Wonder Realms since he was in first grade. It was his favorite place in the world, almost like a second home. He knew the ins and outs of the massive theme park, and could navigate its entirety with his eyes shut. Even now, his decision to head into the arcade was intentional to avoid the throngs of people who immediately leave the park. But he was on a mission. It was his final day in the Wonder Realms and he wasn’t ready to leave. Not while the Festival of Smiles was ongoing.

As Alton tried to drag his family into the Venezia Emporio store, his dad instead tried to guide him away from the display of seasonal merchandise. “We have to get going, bud. Those suitcases aren’t going to pack themselves.”

But Alton stayed put. “I still haven’t found the perfect farewell souvenir!”

“But Ali, I’m tired!” His little sister Suzie whined. She was starting her first year of school soon, but she still acted like a toddler. She tugged on her mom’s dress and moaned, “I wanna go!”

Looking at his parents desperately, Alton played the guilt-trip card. “Come on, dad. You said it yourself, who knows when we’ll be back.”

Not wanting a meltdown in the final hours of their vacation, Alton’s mom stood by Alton’s side and sighed. “You take Suzie back to the hotel and get a head start on the packing. We’ll get one of the hotel buses back.”

Alton’s dad rolled his eyes, but he didn’t push any further. “OK. But don’t take too long, bud. We have an early start tomorrow, and you know how cranky you get when you haven’t had enough sleep.”

Alton pouted. It wasn’t his fault he was a night owl. He could stay up ‘til morning if he really wanted.

His dad held out a hand to Suzie to hold. “You ready to go, princess?” Suzie held her hands up high instead, and he laughed. “OK, OK”. He lifted her up into his arms and wheezed. He shared a look of “she’s getting too big for this!” with his wife before waving the two of them farewell.

Alton dashed through the storefront and grinned from ear to ear. It was a treasure trove of Wonder Realms memorabilia. Collectibles, figurines, stuffed toys, tacky shirts, quirky kitchenware, the place had it all. While Alton did want a final souvenir, he had mainly entered the large store to increase his chances of receiving a Moment to Smile. He’d been trying to get the attention of anyone who looked likely to hand one out for the entirety of his trip, but no dice. If he hung around long enough, maybe his luck would change. Besides, he always relished a chance to spend more time in the theme park.

Alton picked up a particularly awesome limited edition Funko figurine of Gary Gator and Cecil Croc, the park mascots, riding on Fire Mountain. It would look so cool on the Wonder Realms shelf in his bedroom. But one look at the price tag, and he cringed. “Hey, mom…” he began to ask.

She quickly shut him down. “You’ve already spent enough this trip as it is! Whatever final day souvenir you want has to come out of your own money.”

Alton opened up his wallet and sulked. He had a few dollar bills, and a ton of change. Just about enough to get a collectable pin. He put back the limited edition collectable and sauntered over to the pins. He spun the rack around, looking for something “final day” worthy.

As time drew on, Alton’s mom stepped outside to wait for him instead of getting in the way as he gawked at pins. He had narrowed his decision down to a pin with Gary Gator outside the new Planetary Showdown coaster, or the special 50th anniversary pin with the theme park’s icon, the imposing Merlin’s Tower that sat in the center of the park. Truthfully, he was only biding his time and stretching things out before he had to leave for good. Maybe his indecision would attract the attention of one of the frighteningly cheerful park employees, colloquially known as realm artisans. He ummed and ahhed loudly until he heard a chipper voice to his side. “Excuse me sir, do you need any help?”

Alton jumped at his sudden appearance, and looked up. He stammered “Uhm, no. Yes. Maybe. If you don’t mind. Just, uh, deciding on pins.”

He couldn’t help but feel intimidated by the man. He was fantastically buff, more than double the size of Alton himself. His uniform was taut across his athletic frame, the sleeves looked ready to burst. He’d never seen a man so packed with muscle in his life, not up close anyway. He’d seen statues in museums, and he’d seen wrestlers on TV but they paled in comparison to the real deal. Yet despite his overtly masculine body, The man had soft, inoffensive features framed by short, golden curls. There was an ethereally ageless beauty that made him look both young and old at once. Like every realm artisan, there was a smile permanently fixed to his face. However, he radiated authentic charm unlike a majority of the employees who faked their cheerful façade. Alton glanced at his name tag: Magnus, no last name.

The man placed a hand on his hip and the other against the wall, leaning forwards. “Last day huh?”

Alton slumped his shoulders in self-pity. “How could you tell?”

“I see this ploy often. Nobody likes to leave the most amazing place on the planet. But you seem more stubborn than the others…” There was a lilt to his voice, a slight Irish accent. He crouched down to one knee and rested his elbow on his bent knee, his chin on his fist. His flexed arm could have been thicker than Alton’s head. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can provide some assistance.”

Alton sighed. Normally he wouldn’t tell a complete stranger his woes, especially one so frighteningly swole, but the man had a compelling charm that made it difficult not to spill his guts. “Well my dad got a new job recently, in Canada… We all have to move with him, and that means a lot of changes. A new home, a new school. But the worst change is no more Wonder Realms… Do you know how much a flight from Ottawa to Florida costs? More than the amount gas costs to drive here from Georgia. And that’s one ticket! My dad said we can’t afford to come back again for a while. So this is my last visit to the Wonder Realms for the near future…” He pouted and looked to the ground. He was normally sad when leaving the park for another year, but he always had that glimmer of hope knowing they’d be back the following year. This time, however, that glimmer had been extinguished.

Magnus clutched his chest and tutted. “There’s no frowning in the Wonder Realms,” he claimed, making Alton crack a smile. He stood back up with a swing of his mighty arms. "That sounds like a rough time for you, buddy. I’d love to help, but I can’t exactly magic up a relocation for you.”

Alton sighed. “If only… then I could spend all my time at the Realms instead of a few days a year.”

The man’s expression changed slightly. He still smiled, but it seemed more cunning. Almost mischievous. “You’d really like that huh? To grow up with the Wonder Realms?”

“More than anything!” Alton cried. But that was impossible. If only his dad had gotten a job in Orlando instead of Ottawa. Then he could practically live in the park. Maybe even become a realm artisan himself when he was older.

Magnus stroked his chin with a smirk. “Tell you what, I’ll give you a discount on both of those pins, plus I’ll throw in a little something to help with your troubles.“

When Magnus turned his back to guide him to the nearest cash register, Alton pumped his fist in the air and silently cheered. This was it, his Moment To Smile! His mind raced at the possibilities. A VIP tour of areas not usually accessible to guests. A week in the luxurious Wonder Realms Hotel & Spa. It could even be a lifetime pass! Then they’d have to come back to the Wonder Realms next year! They really did go above and beyond in this place. Just another reason Alton was a Realmhead. The online theme park fan community he was a part of referred to themselves as such. He didn’t have much of a social circle outside of the internet. While plenty of teens liked and visited the Wonder Realms, his obsession with the park didn’t go down well among his peers. Maybe folks were more open-minded in Ottawa…

With the added discount, the pins came to exactly the amount of change Alton had left, tax and all. As he emptied his faux leather wallet onto the counter, Magnus reached underneath it and produced a tiny box. He placed it alongside his purchase. “I hope this brings you a smile,” he began. “And I hope I see you again real soon,” he added with a sly wink.

Alton picked up the box and raised an eyebrow. It certainly wasn’t a lifetime pass, that’s for sure. Maybe it was another pin? He opened it up and pulled out an oval shaped name tag, the very same the realm artisans used! However, it had someone else’s name on it. There must have been a mix-up somewhere. Alton looked up to ask the man but he’d vanished. He didn’t understand how such a large man could get lost within the crowd of people still mingling inside the shop, yet he was nowhere to be seen. He flipped the name tag over in his hands and winced. "Ow!” He’d pricked his thumb on the safety pin on its backside. He frowned and dropped the box into his backpack, a gift was a gift after all.

Vignettes: Black Friday

For the first time ever, the Magic Curiosities Emporium is having its very own Black Friday sale, and it's all thanks to me. It's been a few years since Master Mitawi offered me the opportunity to work under him as his apprentice. Well, more like forced me after aging me thirty-something years and refusing to turn me back into a teenager, but that's water under the bridge! I've grown to enjoy my line of work, and I've improved in my own magical skills. In fact, it was me who suggested we join the other shops in Black Friday. Mitawi was unconvinced, until I explained how we could deliver magic while reducing waste. We have so much junk in storage, stuff we couldn't even give away because it doesn't work right, or needs to be disposed of properly, or could be "dangerous" if you sold it and how could you even suggest giving a child one of... Ahem... So, we're having a little clearance sale while it's the right time for it.

The bulk of our clearance comes from expired potions. Yup, even potions have use-by dates and when they're no longer viable for consumption, we have a very delicate and complicated process of neutralising the effects before dumping them. Because the potions are still magic, and will still do what's intended. It's just that they come bundled with unwanted side effects. Or maybe it's a welcome side effect, It depends on who you ask. We do also have the occasional non-potion item on sale as well. Products we can't sell due to them being packaged wrong, or they don't work quite as intended. Normally they'd be locked away until their magical properties wear off. Now we're selling them at highly discounted prices! We've made quite a few sales today, which made my master happy, and of course, the ensuing chaos we created was a fun bonus.

Tables Have Turned

Cursed Necklace

Wasting Time

This is getting ridiculous. The repair shop is closing soon and we're still sat in this stupid cafe! All because Max just had to use the restroom, and they had a "paying customers only" policy. He was sure taking his sweet time with the beer he ordered. I watched as he took a large swig, his face twisting into a disgusted grimace as he forced himself to swallow the amber liquid. I shook my head in pity. "Why do you keep drinking that when you clearly hate it?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I paid for it, and I don't want it to go to waste. It's not like I can give it to you" he laughed.

"You didn't have to buy it you know. You could have got a coffee, or a cola, or a bottle of water even"

He scoffed and replied "Of course I did. Grown ups drink beer, and I'm a grown up so that means I should drink it. I'm sure I'll grow to love it". He took another gulp, pulling a disagreeable face. 

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "We're wasting valuable time here" I said, stressing my words for urgency. "Aren't you worried?". Max shrugged his shoulders, leaving me to worry for him. Why did it come to this?

Man Of The House