Friday 2 December 2022

License To Drink

"Come oooon, dad! Just one drink?"

"Absolutely not!"

"But it's Christmas!"

"Not for another 3 weeks, it's not. Not like that would make a difference..."

Max sulked as his dad walked off to greet another couple who had just knocked at the door. He was almost 16, he was practically an adult. It's not like he'd never tried beer before, so why did it matter if he had a little drink? It was a party! It wasn't even a cool party, just a gathering of some people his parents knew. None of his friends were allowed to come. At least alcohol would make things interesting...

Max knocked the white bobble on his Santa hat out of his face, and grumbled to himself. "I wish I could drink alcohol without getting into trouble..."

He slunk into the kitchen, preparing to grab a plate of finger food before retreating to his bedroom for the evening, when he stumbled into his uncle Jack, who had a sly grin on his face. "I overheard your little tiff with your pa."

"Yeah, so?" Max griped. He didn't want to talk to anyone else. Jack tapped his nose, then suddenly produced a bottle of beer from behind his back. Max's eyes lit up, as he snatched it from his uncle's hands. "O-M-G, you wouldn't!"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "It's a teen's nature to rebel, and who am I to deny nature?" He reasoned as he took the bottle back, pouring the amber contents into a plastic red cup. "Don't worry, I'll keep your ol' pa occupied."

Max was bubbling with excitement as he took the cup from his uncle. "Thank you! You're the coolest!" Jack merely put a finger to his lips, then strutted into the main party room, straight up to his younger brother. Max ducked further into the kitchen, and took a moment to appreciate his alcoholic gift before taking a gulp from the cup. It burned the back of his throat, and sent a shiver down his spine. He'd forgotten how bitter beer could taste. He didn't like it much the first time, and it still left an unpleasant taste in his mouth. But he couldn't pass up his uncle's offering. He braced himself, then gulped down the whole cup in one go.

Immediately, Max felt light-headed. Maybe he shouldn't have done that, he briefly thought. His whole body felt tight. Was beer supposed to make you feel so achy? He rolled his shoulders, and arched his back in an attempt to stretch out the unusual dull pains ringing throughout his body. After a moment, the feeling passed. Except, now Max could only focus on how tight his clothes felt. He tugged on his shirt with a frown. The hem barely reached his jean waistband, which itself dug into his hips. He undid his belt, loosening it by a couple of notches with a frown. They must have shrunk in the wash. Maybe he could find a replacement in his room. But then he'd be missing the party...

Against his better judgement, Max waded into the lounge and through the party guests, nodding and saying hellos to everyone politely. The thrill of being buzzed led him to the drinks table. He could still taste the beer in his mouth, and he didn't want to. Maybe he could concoct himself another drink. He swept his head back and forth. His dad and Jack were nowhere to be seen. And nobody was paying attention to him, even with his tipsy demeanor, and his too tight shirt that had ridden a couple inches up his stomach to expose his belly button and treasure trail to the other guests. 

Reaching out for a few bottles, Max measured and poured whatever interested him into a metal mixer, shaking its contents with unbridled passion. He poured his concoction into a plastic cup, and took a cautious sip. A smile broke across his face, it actually tasted alright! Who knew he was a master mixologist in the making? Maybe he could make a living out of it... He took small, frequent sips of his cocktail, stumbling away from the drinks table, and into the heart of the party. 

Passing from buzzed to tipsy, Max tried to butt into a few conversations. Yet, his attempts at small talk weren't too successful. It didn't help that he was distracted by a persistent scratch that seemed to linger across his entire body. He rubbed at his shirt, reminded by how painfully small it was, hoping he could alleviate the itch somewhat. Until it spread up to his face like a wildfire. He gulped the rest of his drink, and tossed the cup aside, so he could use both of his hands to scratch. His fingers rubbed against a persistent grit which rapidly gave way to wires, his scratching fingers changing to stroking as he calmly attended to his fluffy beard. Part of him knew it couldn't have appeared out of nowhere, yet his inebriated mind treated it as his own anyway. He tugged and pulled on the ends, kneading out an extra couple inches of fur he could play with. Already forgetting how itchy he'd felt, Max eyed up the drink table once more. Maybe he should have another drink, he reasoned. A white wine would be extra classy, and maybe people would take him more seriously.

He sauntered up to the table, and just about managed to pour himself a cup without spilling a drop. Yet that was where his luck ended. As soon as he tipped the cup of wine towards his lips, he misjudged how far away his hand was to his mouth, and tipped its contents went down his shirt. "Oh fuck," he mumbled to himself, swinging his arms wildly for some napkins, and narrowly missing party guests in the process. 

The itch returned atop his scalp, as did a bloated feeling in his stomach. Without thinking, Max began fumbling with his shirt buttons as his stomach began to expand. He'd only managed a few before his belly did the rest, and he exhaled in relief. "Well, tha' takes care of tha'," he said, tossing his shirt into a nearby trash can. It was far too small on him anyway, he didn't understand why he'd been wearing it. He sighed, scratching at his chest as hundreds of hairs took root across his exposed torso. It felt good to be shirtless, his brawny bod on display. Just as nature intended. The only thing that'd feel better would be a drink in his hand.

Max was ready to pour another cup when he heard a sharp voice call his name. He spun around, coming face to face with, "Dad? Oh shit..."

"Dad?" The concerned man questioned, before sniffing the air. "Have you been drinking?"

Max shook his head violently, but the slur in his voice gave it away. "Nuh-uh! I jus' spilled summin' on me. And 'sides, Jack was th'one who gave me the... the bottle firs'."

"Jack..." he spat, clenching his jaw tight. 

"Y'aint mad a' me, righ'?" Max whined, as if being scolded.

"Of course not," He replied, reaching for a pitcher and plastic cup. "But maybe just stick to water for the rest of the night, bud. And maybe grab another shirt."

"Okay... Fanks Dan..." Max took the water and stumbled away, a little ashamed. He was never usually this much of a lightweight. Gone were the days he could out-drink the patrons in his bar, after all. But after two drinks? He sighed, maybe he couldn't keep up with the best of them anymore, but at least he'd grown into his bearish build. It was certainly easier to tempt in the customers when he had the goods to show off. He patted his soft stomach, maybe some grub would cheer him up.

 
As he watched the topless man head for the buffet table, Dan pinched the bridge of his nose and heaved out a long sigh. "Jack!" He snapped just as the goateed man passed him. "You were supposed to be watching out for Max this year, making sure he didn't get into the alcohol. Not bequeathing him a bottle!"

"Oh Danny boy," he chuckled, giving his brother a hefty slap on the shoulder. "It's not a party until Maxie gets started. It's the best part of the holiday season!"

"You know he's better at serving up drinks than partaking in them," Dan mumbled. He grabbed Jack by the scruff of his shirt to stop him from leaving, and said in a hushed tone, "You're responsible for any of his antics from now on."

Jack scoffed, "What am I, his nanny?"

"I'm not having another Independence Day Fiasco on our hands!"

"You're still bringing that ancient shit up? He's forty-five, I'm pretty sure he's..." He paused as a few yelps from the party guests drew their attention. "He's trying to take his pants off... Okay, I see your point." He darted over to Max, who was now on the floor, tugging on his belt and complaining about how tight his jeans felt. His festive hat had fallen off of his bald head, kicked underneath the table by the resulting shuffle.

Dan could only slap a hand to his face, groaning in frustration. "Every year..." He grumbled. Maybe it was time for an intervention...

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