The North Pole Experience

The Christmas Market couldn’t come soon enough for the Phoenix Square Mall. Every year, the mall’s annual attendance was dwindling, but every Christmas was the busiest one yet. What was once a three week holiday event had been stretched to nearly six, with other underperforming annual events cancelled so that their budgets could go to the Christmas Market.

The cost was apparent to Avery and Christian as they walked into Phoenix Square. The entire atrium of the mall was now an enormous two-story snowglobe that you entered, a replica of a Dickensian village with fully functional holiday stores hawking their wares. Fake snow drifted down from the ceiling, and the air smelled like chestnuts and cinnamon - it was hard to tell whether the scent was authentic or piped in. Regardless, it sure made the place feel inviting, even cozy, which was impressive given its size.

The two young men were college roommates and, in their second year of living together, were now good friends as well. Whatever algorithm matched them up freshman year knew what it was doing. They were both meteorology majors who had no interest in being weathermen, but instead were fascinated by actual atmospheric science. That didn’t stop friends and family from treating them like weathermen, however. Especially as Christmas was approaching, all eyes were on them for predicting a white Christmas. With the big day still weeks away, they’d have more luck predicting next year’s Superbowl champions.

Outside of their passion for weather, they were also passionate gamers. Avery was an up-and-coming Twitch streamer whose fierce competitiveness and witty banter was giving him more notoriety every day. Meanwhile, Christian preferred to keep his gaming sessions private, even if he was a whiz at Minecraft who spent hours designing vast, intricate kingdoms in his spare time.

After a quick look around at the stalls selling handmade gifts, the two roommates settled on a bench outside of a larger than life gingerbread house that contained a stall selling sweet treats, its whimsical exterior and enticing aroma had suckered them in. It gave them an exceptional view of the very center of the atrium and its pièce de résistance - a giant, extravagantly decorated Christmas tree that almost touched the domed skylight it sat underneath. It was lavished with baubles and tinsel of shimmering gold and silver, wreaths of holly and poinsettias, life-size nutcrackers and bold colored presents. The glamorous star atop the tree glistened in the late morning sun, shining independent of the other sparkling decorations. It was almost too extravagant for the mall it preceded in.

Next to the tree was a rustic cottage painted a deep red hue and dusted with fake snow. The series of chain link ropes that led towards it were the only indicator for what was inside. Or rather, who would eventually be inside. With Halloween still fresh on the mind and Thanksgiving just around the corner, it appeared that the mall wasn’t quite ready for Santa Claus to make his appearance.

“Do kids even believe in the big guy these days?” Avery asked between sips of overpriced hot cocoa and gingerbread ‘roof tile’ cookies.

“Of course they do,” Christian replied with a small chuckle. “My nephew’s already written his letter to Santa.” He dug his phone out of his hoodie pocket and pulled up his family Whatsapp group as proof.

Avery rolled his eyes, scratching at the wispy goatee circling his chin. “Yeah, but he’s three. He probably thinks that surveillance elf moves on its own too.”

Christian groaned and jabbed Avery with his elbow. “Geez, who put coal in your stocking?”

“I’m just saying, I found out it was my parents before I even entered kindergarten.”

“Surprisingly, not everyone’s been desensitized to the holidays like you.”

“You would be too if you had to work retail. I still get flashbacks when I hear Jingle Bell Rock…”

After chugging the remnants of his cocoa, Christian stood up and stretched out his wiry body. “Well we’d better leave this Christmas hellhole before you get PTSD from the carolers.”

“Har har. Even you have to admit it’s too early to start celebrating. How can I celebrate Christmas when the leaves are still changing color?”

“Okay boomer…”

“Hey, you take that back!” Avery yelled as Christian jogged away with a cackle, his long, ginger hair bouncing with every step. Avery went to dart after him, but suddenly his way was blocked: a slim, short man in a jangly costume leapt into his path with a flourish and a smile.

“Pardon me, sir!” the ‘elf’ said, and Avery could see why the guy had been cast. He had a naturally smooth, youthful face and a petite build. The little pointy prosthetics he wore on the tops of his ears fit him well. “I’m Pippin, and I’m in need of some assistance.”

By this point, Christian had circled back to stand next to Avery. “How can we help you, Pippin?” he asked, earning a nudge in the ribs from Avery who could spot an impending sales pitch a mile away.

“As you know, we want every year at the Christmas Market to be the best year yet! This year we’ve added an interactive experience inspired by Santa Claus and his legendary workshop at the North Pole, and we’re looking for participants to playtest it to ensure it works and, more importantly, is fun! It would take up to two hours but you can check out at any time if it’s not for you, and there’s a handsome reward waiting at the end for those who complete it. I already have three testers ready, I’m just looking for two more to round out our group.”

“When would we need to come back?”

“Oh, it’s right now,” Pippin smiled.

“Oh.” Avery turned to Christian with a sigh. “Well, we were just about to, uhm…browse the sale in-”

“Oh, that can wait,” Christian interrupted. “The mall’s open for hours, this sounds interesting.”

Avery pulled Christian aside. “You seriously want to do this?”

“Why not? We were just talking about how we have nothing to do today. Besides, it sounds right up your alley. You always dreamed of being a games tester.“

"Yeah, video games! Not hokey Christmas carnival games!”

“Ohoho, this is more than a carnival,” Pippin piped up unannounced, making the men flinch from surprise. “It’s a multi-sensory, interactive experience that will fill you with holiday cheer!”

“See? People pay top dollar for things like this and he’s letting us try it out for free! Not only that, we’re getting paid at the end-”

“He didn’t say we’re getting paid, he said there’s a reward.”

“A handsome reward!” Pippin chimed in.

“And we can tap out if it sucks,” Christian reminded Avery. “I’ll just leave and grab some wings if I’m not having fun.” A sudden, sly grin crept across Christian’s lips. "Actually, how’s about we make things interesting? Whoever drops out first gets to clean the apartment for the next month. Plus, if you make it all the way to the end, we’ll go wherever you want to eat in the mall, dinner’s on me.”

“Oh, that’s sneaky. You know I love a good challenge…” Avery whined with a frown. He tapped his foot impatiently, then sighed and stuck out his hand. “You better be prepared to pay up. I’m thinking Korean barbecue for my victory meal.”

“We’ll see about that,” Christian replied as they shook on the arranged bet.

Family Discounts

While I do enjoy being the apprentice to an all powerful sorcerer and working in his Magic Curiosities Emporium, there are a few problems. For one, I'm in a constant state of work and education. If I'm not manning the store and helping customers, I'm being taught the how-tos and what-nots of the magical trade. Every moment is an opportunity to learn according to my master. It can also be a lonely life as everyone I used to know in my previous life has forgotten of my existence, and constantly being under the watchful eye of my master made it difficult to meet other people. 

Then there's that code of impartiality I'm magically bound to. It's mainly because some real shady shit happens within the confines of this shop, and it's bad business to interfere no matter how immoral or unethical it may be. I can offer advice or even warn of potential doom, but that's as far as I can go. If someone wants a potion that Medusas their neighbour, or enchanted gloves that Elsas the town then that's their prerogative, we need to earn money somehow. And when those problems collide? Ho boy. There are times I've struggled to keep impartial when folks from my former life enter the store. Much like how one of my former cousins lives in the plaza pond waiting for a fairy-tale obsessed woman to attempt kissing him. I did warn him beforehand but a purchase is a purchase. He was a bit of a misogynistic jerk, so I can't feel too bad about his froggening... 

So today, I was in for a shock. A short, stocky man entered the store with his teenaged son in tow. I almost ignored them until I heard the kid whine about missing the sales at Game Hut. I froze in place and stuck my head around the corner. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was Wilbur! In my former life, he was one of my closest friends. We would hang out all the time watching movies, playing video games, pulling pranks. Now I was closer to his dad's age which made those heydays feel a little weird. It had been over two years since I last saw my pal, and he looked almost exactly the same. He still even had that dorky fringe cut. Meanwhile, I was a good 30 years older and more than a hundred pounds heavier...

I had to physically restrain myself from greeting Wilbur with a hug, and tucked myself away in the hopes I wouldn't be spotted. It wasn't like either of them would recognise me. Even without the age-up, my master had performed an intricate reality shift to remove any traces of my former existence from the world. But I still knew them, and it's always so awkward having to pretend that I don't.

Eventually, Wilbur's dad spotted me as he marched away from the clearance rack and towards the shop counter. He had a determined look on his face which worried me. What exactly had they come searching for? With the sales going on, there was a lot that could go awry. I couldn't go against my impartiality vow but this was The Wilburnator! My dearest friend! I had to tread carefully, and maybe throw them on a different path that could benefit them in other ways...

Halloween Costumes

Victor sat sulking in his room. Downstairs, he could hear the muffled buzz of activity as his brother prepared the house for the evening's festivities. Their parents were gone for the weekend and Lewis was going all out for Halloween and throwing a huge party, inviting practically everyone in town. Everyone but Victor. He asked to join, begged even, but Lewis was adamant that he wasn't allowed to join in the fun.

While Victor scrolled through YouTube to find a suitable unboxing video to take his mind off of the party, there was a knock at his bedroom door. Lewis entered almost immediately after, holding a flat cardboard box with a bold symbol on top for a store called Costume Plaza. "Hey, it's almost time for the party. You'd better suit up."

Victor sat up rigid. "You said I wasn't allowed to come!"

"Yeah, well I thought about what you said last night and decided that I'd take you up on your offer." He dumped the box on Victor's bed and turned to leave. "You'd better hurry, Bobby's already on his way."

Victor scrambled for the box and tore open the packaging. He cocked his head, confused. It was a black T-shirt, scruffy jeans, and a pair of sunglasses. After pulling everything out to ensure that was the costume, he found a small slip of paper. "Bouncer..." he read aloud. He recalled saying that he could man the door to the party, an obvious joke given how he was at least half the age and the size of all of the party attendees. Surely Lewis wasn't serious... Victor chuckled and mumbled aloud, "I don't know why he bothered. I have all this stuff in my wardrobe."

Still, Victor felt a weird urge to put the costume on. he felt a little embarrassed as he slipped the clothes on and they swamped him. Was this some sort of joke? Well at least the sunglasses would cover his shame, he thought as he slipped them onto his face.

The moment the lenses touched his face, he felt a jolt down his spine and found himself frozen in place. He winced in pain as his body inflated to match the costume size. He almost doubled his height while his body rapidly packed on the pounds, swelling up with thick muscle. His face itched as it squared off and prickly hairs crept across his cheeks. Finally, he felt a cool breeze as all the hair shed from his head. The moment he could move, Victor spun around and threw open his wardrobe, gasping as he looked in the mirror. He stared dumbstruck at the buff, bearded man reflected back. He felt his smooth scalp and his furry face. Then his massive muscles. 

Old Man Cravitz

 “So, you ready to head home?”

The two teens trudged down the center of the street, jack-o-lantern buckets swinging with the weight of an evening’s worth of sugar. Evidence of a busy Halloween night was all around them: candy wrappers littered by younger, less environmentally conscious children; wilted pumpkins trying to stay upright; cobwebs strewn on every lawn. It was a clear, cool night - the best Halloween temperatures in years, and turnout had reflected that. But it was getting late, and there were half as many kids as two hours prior.

“There’s gotta be a couple more houses we haven’t hit,” the store-bought Thor said. His name was Easton, and he punctuated this thought by popping a Tootsie Roll in his mouth, though it didn’t prevent him from talking more. “This is our last Halloween trick-or-treating, man. We gotta make it count!”

“Yeah, I just can’t think of any places around here that we’ve missed,” Easton’s friend, an especially ratty Jack Sparrow named - aptly - Jack, said. “But no text from Mom yet, so that pressure’s off.”

“For now.” Easton surveyed the surrounding streets. He dumped the Tootsie Roll wrapper in his candy bucket, on top of the long blond Thor wig that he’d long since removed because it was too itchy. “What about Ashland Circle?” He stopped and looked up at the street sign, so Jack stopped too.

“There’s like two lights on down there, and nobody decorated.”

“That’s just to ward kids off. Everyone buys candy to give for Halloween, and if nobody turns up then that’s candy you get to keep yourself. My uncles do it all the time.”

“You realize how dumb that sounds, right?” Jack said. “Besides, I never liked this area. All those old houses give me the creeps…”

“Come on, where’s your sense of Halloween spirit? This is our last chance to do this!” Easton picked up his candy bucket and strode into the bowels of the cul-de-sac, straight towards the only house that still had lights on.

“Wait!” Jack cried out, gripping onto Easton’s red cape to stop him. He spun him around and clutched him by the shoulders. “Are you crazy? That’s Old Man Cravitz’s house!”

Easton shuddered. Stanley Cravitz was practically a household name in town. He was rude and abrasive to everyone, but he was particularly harsh on who he generally referred to as “the youths.” He’d call the cops on loitering students, he routinely confiscated toys from anyone unlucky enough to disturb him, some said he even ran an unsuccessful campaign in the ‘00s to ban anyone under 20 from visiting the local mall. If there was anyone you didn’t want to disturb on Halloween, it was Old Man Cravitz.

Easton, however, was unconvinced. "Come on, Jack. It’s our last chance to dress up and get candy, and we’ve been everywhere else. He’s not all bad, I think I saw him smile at a poodle once…”

“You’re insane, dude! I’m not getting on that man’s bad side if it kills me.” Jack backed away from his friend, returning to the cul-de-sac entrance. He called out “I’ll wait by the plaza fountain if you make it out alive!” before hurrying back down the street they arrived on and out of sight.

Easton stared up at the foreboding Victorian house at the end of the street. It was a shame the creepiest, likeliest-contender-for-being-built-on-a-cemetery, old house in the neighborhood was owned by the grouchiest, fun-hating person alive. It would have been perfect decked out for Halloween. Even now, swamped in darkness aside for a couple dull lights, it was terrifying to his young brain.

Easton gulped. Was he really that desperate for more candy? He couldn’t turn back now, he’d never hear the end of it from Jack. Besides, isn’t this what Halloween was all about? It would make an outrageous story to tell later on. Easton shook out his body in an attempt to get rid of his fears. Then he took several deep breaths before striding up to the dark house. His heart was thumping in his chest as he stepped up the creaky steps and onto the porch. His hand trembled as he brought it up to the wooden door and gripped the round, iron handle. The harsh crack of metal on polished hardwood echoed around him as he knocked.

Stillness followed, and then, from somewhere in the house: uproarious laughter. And not scary Halloween laughter, but the sound of genuine fun. Easton’s first thought was surprise that big bad Cravitz actually had friends…unless he was hearing the TV, or something. And then he wondered if his knock had been heard. If not, maybe that was a sign to go. He’d tried, and that counted.

Easton turned on his heels and walked to the stairs - and then, there was a boom so loud it made him jump. He froze. That was the sound of a door opening, wasn’t it…

“Leaving so soon?” rasped a deep voice.

Easton slowly turned, and there he was. Stanley Cravitz. The man was short and broad, with a big belly and bald head. There was a sneer on his face and a smoldering cigar in his hand. He coughed out a chuckle. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“Sorry to bother you…” Easton stammered out.

Cravitz scowled. “Not like you’re the first. You’re here to bother me for free candy, I assume.” He elongated the word ‘candy’ as if it were profanity.

“No!” Easton said, quickly, and then he turned bright red. “Well, yeah…”

Cravitz took a step back. “I got some, I just have to go get it. Already put it away because I thought you brats were done for the night.” He took a drag off his cigar and blasted smoke into the air. “Come inside and give me a moment.”

Easton hesitated, but the temptation of being able to tell everyone what Old Man Cravitz’s house was like was too great. Had anyone EVER been inside of it? He took two cautious steps and then crossed the threshold, flinching as the door shut behind him. In the excitement, he failed to notice Cravitz lock the door behind him.

The Romans, and the Greeks

It wasn’t that the trip to the art museum was entirely boring. There was some really cool stuff in here, Roman and Max agreed. They were super into the room that had the sculptures that looked like balloon animals. The issue was that seeing all the interesting stuff took roughly fifteen minutes, which left them five hours to kill.

“Five…hours…” Roman grumbled dramatically, dragging his feet behind him like he was on invisible crutches. “I’m not gonna make it, man. Tell…tell Livi…I always thought she was hot as hell.”

“Man, I would, but I’m definitely gonna die of boredom too,” Max replied. “At least there’s food right?”

“I guess. Mmm yum, museum food,” Roman snorted. He pushed the mushroom fringe of his bangs out to the side even though he was fully aware it would flop right back over his eyes, which it did. “When do we have to meet the group? Like 40, 45 minutes from now?”

“Yeah, for the tour.”

“I can’t believe they’re letting us run wild here. Someone’s gonna break something.”

Max looked witheringly at Roman, who was grinning from ear to ear. “You mean YOU’RE going to try to break something.”

“I never try, it’s not my fault that I’m clumsy.” It was a running joke at school that Roman’s hands and feet didn’t match the rest of his body, at least not yet. He and Max were the same average height, yet Roman’s feet were four sizes bigger, and he tripped over them constantly.

Roman and Max were best buddies. Equals. Instead of a leader/follower dynamic, they were competitors; willful young men who didn’t take anything seriously except for their own opinions. They’d been friends since middle school, after a knockdown, dragout fight over a loose basketball, quite counterproductive since they were on the same team. But they both thought it was hilarious, and after that, they were almost always together, picking the same classes and ensuring they had the same lunchtime.

Their first jaunt was through a textiles exhibition, which they thought might be cool because it could be about texting, like some kind of digital art. It turned out textiles were fabrics, which was intensely uninteresting. “It’s…rugs,” Roman deadpanned, looking around the room. “Rugs and blankets. Dope.”

“Dude, you know who’d like this stuff? My mom,” Max said, which was the most damning assessment possible, and made them both laugh until a massive security guard glared at them. That was their cue to go, and as they headed out of the exhibition, Max’s phone vibrated. “Miller says he’s hiding out in some movie room. I think I’ll pass.”

“Nah, if I watch something I will definitely fall asleep, and then you’d both leave me there and I’d wake up seven hours later, and the museum would be closed, and I’d never be able to leave and that would be my life.”

“That makes complete sense, you’re exactly right,” Max said. “Hey look, Greek stuff.”

“I prefer Roman stuff.”

“God, shut UP,” Max groaned, giving Roman a shove that roused a “Hey!” from another huge guard nearby.

“Ah man, we gotta go in here,” Roman said, pointing to an exhibit entrance framed by multicolor stripes painted elegantly on the walls. “Rainbow Rebellion: Queer Coding Throughout the Ages,” he read out loud before turning serious. “I think this will be really good for you, to see the art of your people.”

“You’re the one everyone says is gay,” Max shot back.

“Literally no one says that, perv.” Roman was walking in. Max held back and then rolled his eyes and caught up, looking over his shoulder to make sure no classmates were around. The exhibition wasn’t big, only two rooms, and it was a departure from the others in that it had all styles of art. There was a painting from the 1800s of two young men on a beach, sitting side by side; nearby was a photograph of two muscle guys in leather and chains. Both Roman and Max ignored it, too embarrassed to commentate.

“This is, uh, really gay, man,” Max whispered with an evil smile on his face. “I just want you to know, if you have something to tell me, I’m your friend…”

Roman knew where he was going and cut him off. “Only one of us got a boner in the locker room after swimming, and it wasn’t me,” he sang, flouncing off in an exaggerated caricature of a walk before Max could punch him in the arm. 

They ended up by a large Grecian urn that didn’t seem gay at all. It depicted a side profile from the shoulders up of a bearded man embracing a feminine counterpart. That is, until Max and Roman looked at the other side of the urn and saw the same two figures in full, now plainly obvious that they were two extremely muscular men. It looked almost like they were wrestling at first glance. One man was sitting on top of the other, and that’s when they realized…they were fucking. The man on the ground had his dick in the man on top’s ass. Each man flexed a bulging arm, which formed the handles of the jar.

“Aw, GROSS,” Max tittered, as both boys cramped with laughter. “That’s…is that how they do it? Damn, dude. What the…groooossss.”

Roman’s entire face was curled up in laughter. “I can’t believe they’re just leaving this out here for people to see. This is education! Where’s one with girls touching each other, I’ll be all about that.”

“Dare you to touch it,” Max said evilly, pointing to one of the handles. “No guards around. Touch that guy’s big freaky gross bodybuilder arm.”

“No way! I’m not getting near that homo urn. These things have invisible guards and shit! What if the alarm goes off?”

“Then we bolt. Besides, if they didn’t want you to touch it, they’d have it under glass,” Max reasoned. Roman frowned. Max had a point. It was lousy but valid. He hesitated for a moment, then stretched out his index finger like ET, and gently poked the urn in the least homoerotic area he could muster. Max scoffed at his feeble attempt. “That doesn’t count!”

“Of course it does, I touched it.”

“Yeah, barely.”

“Well it’s more than you did!”

“You have to hold it. Caress that freaky bicep like the repressed homosexual you are.”

“Well maybe YOU should do it. I dare you!”

They looked at each other. “Fine. We’ll do it at the same time,” Max said, eyes darting around.

“Fine,” Roman grunted. They stood on opposite sides of the urn, raised their palms, and nodded at each other. Then, their hands darted forward and each of them grasped one of the handles. They locked eyes for a brief moment, daring the other to let go first. Eventually, the approaching squeak of rubber soles on marble flooring forced them to abandon the urn. Max and Roman scurried away laughing like the schoolboys they were.

More Captions!

Here are a few more captions for you guys to whet your appetites while I work on something a bit more substantial. Enjoy them!

(Age Swap, Young Adult < > Middle Age)

This app I downloaded is incredible! I was bored, as usual, and was looking for things to do when I came across it, the Life Changer. It looked like a Sims knock-off but I had nothing better to do. It asked a few questions, I took a selfie, and soon enough, there was this cartoonish avatar of myself on the screen. But there were options to change my avatar in so many ways, it was disorienting. I decided to try one thing, the life swap button. When I pressed it, it came up with options for everyone in a mile radius to me. My family, my neighbours, my friends. I didn't know so many people downloaded this app, but I didn't want any of them to be my avatar. 

I finally came across an unfamiliar face who wasn't butt-ugly. Jackson Reed, a buff looking man who lived outside of town, a personal fitness coach, and was currently in the park. He sounded perfect. I tapped the accept button and expected my avatar to change into that person. But what actually happened was surprising and so much better. I suddenly shot up in the air, gaining inches in seconds. My flabby body slimmed down in an instant, followed by a rapid bulking up of every muscle in my body. New hairs swirled across my chest and down my rock hard abs. In the mirror, I saw my face get more angular and my patchy stubble increased in density until I had a proper beard. Then wrinkles and grey hairs appeared.

As things came to an end, I leant against the doorway panting. I was huge! And so hairy... I had to take a picture to prove to myself it was real! I snatched the cap off my head, gasping at the sight of my bald head, then covered my crotch with it. There! I took the pics and chucked the hat to the side. My cock was so big and veiny now. I brushed a hand over my buff, hairy body with a smile. I stroked my scalp, shuddering at the feeling of my bald head. That would take some getting used to. Because there was no way I was swapping back! In fact, I quickly uninstalled the app before I could swap back. I feel a little bad for Jackson though, ending up with my previously unimpressive body. He's probably confused as heck, swimming in his baggy clothes as he tries to convince people he was a big muscleman only minutes earlier... Whelp, I can't help him now! He'll come to appreciate being a college drop-out eventually. Possibly. Meanwhile, I'm going to give my new mature body a night on the town!

The Wonder Realms

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us for tonight’s performance of Wizard’s Fury. We hope your visit to the Wonder Realms Resort has been a truly enchanting experience. Until we see you again, have a safe journey home. Thank you, and goodnight!”

The closing announcement was hardly audible over the cries and chatter of the crowd. The smell of smoke and sulphur from the nightly fireworks display lingered in the air alongside the wafts of buttered popcorn and sweat. A wave of thousands slowly bobbed towards the exit. Another day of fun and excitement had concluded as the Wonder Realms closed its gates for another night. The family friendly theme park had been around for years, offering thrills and spills in the Florida sunshine for 50 strong years. It was celebrating its anniversary with a year-long event called the Festival of Smiles where they planned to giveaway fifty thousand prizes to random guests ranging from plush toys up to lifetime park tickets for the whole family.

Hence why Alton had dragged his own family to the Leisure Arcade, a sheltered walkway behind the series of interconnected shops along Market Street, the cobblestoned European-style street that acted as the entrance and exit to the theme park. His family had made an annual visit to the Wonder Realms since he was in first grade. It was his favorite place in the world, almost like a second home. He knew the ins and outs of the massive theme park, and could navigate its entirety with his eyes shut. Even now, his decision to head into the arcade was intentional to avoid the throngs of people who immediately leave the park. But he was on a mission. It was his final day in the Wonder Realms and he wasn’t ready to leave. Not while the Festival of Smiles was ongoing.

As Alton tried to drag his family into the Venezia Emporio store, his dad instead tried to guide him away from the display of seasonal merchandise. “We have to get going, bud. Those suitcases aren’t going to pack themselves.”

But Alton stayed put. “I still haven’t found the perfect farewell souvenir!”

“But Ali, I’m tired!” His little sister Suzie whined. She was starting her first year of school soon, but she still acted like a toddler. She tugged on her mom’s dress and moaned, “I wanna go!”

Looking at his parents desperately, Alton played the guilt-trip card. “Come on, dad. You said it yourself, who knows when we’ll be back.”

Not wanting a meltdown in the final hours of their vacation, Alton’s mom stood by Alton’s side and sighed. “You take Suzie back to the hotel and get a head start on the packing. We’ll get one of the hotel buses back.”

Alton’s dad rolled his eyes, but he didn’t push any further. “OK. But don’t take too long, bud. We have an early start tomorrow, and you know how cranky you get when you haven’t had enough sleep.”

Alton pouted. It wasn’t his fault he was a night owl. He could stay up ‘til morning if he really wanted.

His dad held out a hand to Suzie to hold. “You ready to go, princess?” Suzie held her hands up high instead, and he laughed. “OK, OK”. He lifted her up into his arms and wheezed. He shared a look of “she’s getting too big for this!” with his wife before waving the two of them farewell.

Alton dashed through the storefront and grinned from ear to ear. It was a treasure trove of Wonder Realms memorabilia. Collectibles, figurines, stuffed toys, tacky shirts, quirky kitchenware, the place had it all. While Alton did want a final souvenir, he had mainly entered the large store to increase his chances of receiving a Moment to Smile. He’d been trying to get the attention of anyone who looked likely to hand one out for the entirety of his trip, but no dice. If he hung around long enough, maybe his luck would change. Besides, he always relished a chance to spend more time in the theme park.

Alton picked up a particularly awesome limited edition Funko figurine of Gary Gator and Cecil Croc, the park mascots, riding on Fire Mountain. It would look so cool on the Wonder Realms shelf in his bedroom. But one look at the price tag, and he cringed. “Hey, mom…” he began to ask.

She quickly shut him down. “You’ve already spent enough this trip as it is! Whatever final day souvenir you want has to come out of your own money.”

Alton opened up his wallet and sulked. He had a few dollar bills, and a ton of change. Just about enough to get a collectable pin. He put back the limited edition collectable and sauntered over to the pins. He spun the rack around, looking for something “final day” worthy.

As time drew on, Alton’s mom stepped outside to wait for him instead of getting in the way as he gawked at pins. He had narrowed his decision down to a pin with Gary Gator outside the new Planetary Showdown coaster, or the special 50th anniversary pin with the theme park’s icon, the imposing Merlin’s Tower that sat in the center of the park. Truthfully, he was only biding his time and stretching things out before he had to leave for good. Maybe his indecision would attract the attention of one of the frighteningly cheerful park employees, colloquially known as realm artisans. He ummed and ahhed loudly until he heard a chipper voice to his side. “Excuse me sir, do you need any help?”

Alton jumped at his sudden appearance, and looked up. He stammered “Uhm, no. Yes. Maybe. If you don’t mind. Just, uh, deciding on pins.”

He couldn’t help but feel intimidated by the man. He was fantastically buff, more than double the size of Alton himself. His uniform was taut across his athletic frame, the sleeves looked ready to burst. He’d never seen a man so packed with muscle in his life, not up close anyway. He’d seen statues in museums, and he’d seen wrestlers on TV but they paled in comparison to the real deal. Yet despite his overtly masculine body, The man had soft, inoffensive features framed by short, golden curls. There was an ethereally ageless beauty that made him look both young and old at once. Like every realm artisan, there was a smile permanently fixed to his face. However, he radiated authentic charm unlike a majority of the employees who faked their cheerful façade. Alton glanced at his name tag: Magnus, no last name.

The man placed a hand on his hip and the other against the wall, leaning forwards. “Last day huh?”

Alton slumped his shoulders in self-pity. “How could you tell?”

“I see this ploy often. Nobody likes to leave the most amazing place on the planet. But you seem more stubborn than the others…” There was a lilt to his voice, a slight Irish accent. He crouched down to one knee and rested his elbow on his bent knee, his chin on his fist. His flexed arm could have been thicker than Alton’s head. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can provide some assistance.”

Alton sighed. Normally he wouldn’t tell a complete stranger his woes, especially one so frighteningly swole, but the man had a compelling charm that made it difficult not to spill his guts. “Well my dad got a new job recently, in Canada… We all have to move with him, and that means a lot of changes. A new home, a new school. But the worst change is no more Wonder Realms… Do you know how much a flight from Ottawa to Florida costs? More than the amount gas costs to drive here from Georgia. And that’s one ticket! My dad said we can’t afford to come back again for a while. So this is my last visit to the Wonder Realms for the near future…” He pouted and looked to the ground. He was normally sad when leaving the park for another year, but he always had that glimmer of hope knowing they’d be back the following year. This time, however, that glimmer had been extinguished.

Magnus clutched his chest and tutted. “There’s no frowning in the Wonder Realms,” he claimed, making Alton crack a smile. He stood back up with a swing of his mighty arms. "That sounds like a rough time for you, buddy. I’d love to help, but I can’t exactly magic up a relocation for you.”

Alton sighed. “If only… then I could spend all my time at the Realms instead of a few days a year.”

The man’s expression changed slightly. He still smiled, but it seemed more cunning. Almost mischievous. “You’d really like that huh? To grow up with the Wonder Realms?”

“More than anything!” Alton cried. But that was impossible. If only his dad had gotten a job in Orlando instead of Ottawa. Then he could practically live in the park. Maybe even become a realm artisan himself when he was older.

Magnus stroked his chin with a smirk. “Tell you what, I’ll give you a discount on both of those pins, plus I’ll throw in a little something to help with your troubles.“

When Magnus turned his back to guide him to the nearest cash register, Alton pumped his fist in the air and silently cheered. This was it, his Moment To Smile! His mind raced at the possibilities. A VIP tour of areas not usually accessible to guests. A week in the luxurious Wonder Realms Hotel & Spa. It could even be a lifetime pass! Then they’d have to come back to the Wonder Realms next year! They really did go above and beyond in this place. Just another reason Alton was a Realmhead. The online theme park fan community he was a part of referred to themselves as such. He didn’t have much of a social circle outside of the internet. While plenty of teens liked and visited the Wonder Realms, his obsession with the park didn’t go down well among his peers. Maybe folks were more open-minded in Ottawa…

With the added discount, the pins came to exactly the amount of change Alton had left, tax and all. As he emptied his faux leather wallet onto the counter, Magnus reached underneath it and produced a tiny box. He placed it alongside his purchase. “I hope this brings you a smile,” he began. “And I hope I see you again real soon,” he added with a sly wink.

Alton picked up the box and raised an eyebrow. It certainly wasn’t a lifetime pass, that’s for sure. Maybe it was another pin? He opened it up and pulled out an oval shaped name tag, the very same the realm artisans used! However, it had someone else’s name on it. There must have been a mix-up somewhere. Alton looked up to ask the man but he’d vanished. He didn’t understand how such a large man could get lost within the crowd of people still mingling inside the shop, yet he was nowhere to be seen. He flipped the name tag over in his hands and winced. "Ow!” He’d pricked his thumb on the safety pin on its backside. He frowned and dropped the box into his backpack, a gift was a gift after all.

Replacement Dad

The air was brimming with tension. Adam glanced nervously at the man sat in the armchair, a freshly brewed cup of coffee in his hands. He was a lean, scruffy man in his late forties wearing a plaid dressing gown that he'd retrieved for him after their unfortunate first meeting. They hadn't spoke for several minutes now. Adam was starting to sweat from anxiety, waiting for the stoic man to yell at him in anger. He took a long sip of coffee, then finally he looked Adam in the eye. Instead of anger, he spoke calmly with a bit of grit in his voice. "So tell me again what happened exactly."

Adam took a deep breath, and replied "I made a wish last night, and then it came true."

"And that wish was...?"

"For my best friend to be my real dad..."

"And that's why I'm now a 48 year old, widowed father of one? A botched wish?"

Adam was on the verge of tears. He said "I only meant it jokingly because you're so kind to me, and my real dad is so evil... I didn't know it would actually come true! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!"

Captions

I've been having a bit of writer's block recently, so I thought instead of doing longer stories, I'd make some shorter captioned stories instead. I used a randomiser to pick out some pictures I have saved to see what I could come up with.

(Age Progression, Teen > Middle Age)

So let me go over the plan one last time. You want me to act as your dad so I can convince the school to let you join the drama club trip to New York despite the fact you're not a member? I dunno man, it's pretty convoluted. Wouldn't it be easier to join the club? We could always use another stagehand. It's just... This is different from playing a role, the costume has literally made me a father figure. Besides, what if they know what your dad looks like? We barely resembled each other before I grew up, and I definitely don't look like him now. No offence but I have more hair than him, I'm in much better shape, and I'm far more handsome too... Damn, I grew up to be awesome... Yeah yeah, I know! It's only "temporary", but can't I take a few minutes to check out the goods before I have to... Sigh, fine! But after I've nailed my greatest role by convincing the school board it would be discriminatory to not let you go on the trip, I'm taking advantage of this opportunity. We did split the costume fee after all, and I'm going to get my money's worth. I wonder if I can get into a bar without ID...